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Sunday, August 9
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Omg my blog has been so so deprived. I know it's not a common occurence since I've blogged alot in the past; or maybe now I'm much happier so I have less to rant about.
That day ACRA sent me a letter and it's heading was - "Congratulations on becoming the owner of a new business!" I am quite happy about that, and some good, fine plans are underway with my business partner, who will remain as secret as what the business is about. Perhaps the black cloth will unveil the plans when the business is officially launched.
Now turn away
Cuz I'm awful just to see
Cuz all my hair's abandoned all my body
Oh my agony
Know that I will never marry
Baby I'm just soggy from the chemo
But counting down the days to go
The Boyfriend's grandmother has just passed away due to lung cancer. It is a difficult time for his family. I am still considering if I should go to the wake tonight.
Just last night, I dreamt that The Boyfriend proposed to me! Dreamt is the word. The dream was sweet and he even bought a house. And he proposed in the empty house. How romantic! ROFL.
Obviously, we do have plans to get engaged within 2 years and to live together. Living together may be a little tough to project within 2 years, but well we're trying. Everytime we quarrel, I always think, "That's it man, I've had enough," and believe me, The Boyfriend has had to endure many of my tantrums (although sometimes it really IS his fault).
But then, after I've calmed down and he's calmed down, I always feel extremely sorry (when it's my fault) and I just love him more each time.
I've read somewhere that girls break up with their boyfriends when they've found someone who is better than him, which is called trading up. Obviously, I feel that I've traded up many times, only to realise that trading up does not necessarily mean 'happier'. Then, it would come to the whole argument of being 'satisfied with what you have' etc.
But sometimes, how to be happy with the goods that you've recently purchased, if the good does not perform as well as the advertisements claim it should? Therefore, in comes cognitive dissonance.
I admit, that even with my near-perfect Boyfriend, I still sometimes have fleeting thoughts of trading up, on a whim. The saying, "the leopard never changes its spots" does apply to me, but then again, my spots do always change colour and position.
But now, although I see someone who may seem like it is worth trading up for, at the back of my mind I know that no one can ever compare with The Boyfriend. It is just a grey sheet of matter that's clouding my vision, that's all. When I see The Boyfriend in the flesh again, I simply melt away and those fleeting thoughts go away again.
The Boyfriend knows all about my fleeting thoughts but he takes it in a man's stride. That is one of the attributes that I admire about him. He may look so young but his thoughts are an old man's. Well maybe not old old, but middle-aged old.
Just last night, before I dreamt about his proposal, I lay in bed, unable to sleep. Obviously, he was knocked out like a pig next to me, so I had to force my brain to tire out. So I began thinking, back to the first time we met. He was my client, and at that time I was with Mr Oxley Road.
We did talk on the phone prior to our first meeting, and I noted that his voice was deep and a little husky. And he sounded intelligent and good-looking, but I wasn't about to put my bets on his looks.
We were supposed to meet to discuss his upcoming event, but although he was directly liaising with me via email then, he barely spoke to me when we met up. He was hanging at the back of this group of guys who were his campmates, all of whom were asking questions eagerly about the event. Yes, that includes Alan and Eugene. In fact, all the faces I don't remember except theirs.
I definitely noticed The Boyfriend, because I notice the shy and quiet ones first. And besides, he was cute! Cute in a 'eye-candy' sort of way, but yet not the type I would go for, because he seemed too righteous, too good, that we would certainly be incompatible.
I raved about The Boyfriend to Mr Oxley Road, and I remember him being sarcastic about it.
Our second meeting was for their food tasting, where The Boyfriend and his friends (one of whom my poly mate) met Rizal, the head chef. Rizal is a key person in this whole thing because subsequently, he would tease me about The Boyfriend although we were not together yet. After that, I would say to him, "See la, let you tease until we're really together already,"
At the event, he brought a girl, who shall not be named. He was interested in her then, but obviously not interested enough, because he spent most of the event with me. Subsequently leading to a misunderstanding amongst all his campmates that I was his date instead of her. Also, he gave me a cheque with Timbre's name spelt wrongly. He then said that he would get his mum to change the cheque. I immediately minused points for him because I thought that he was a mummy's boy.
At the point, Mr Oxley Road and I had broken up, and I was seeing a few different guys.
After the event, we still kept in contact, but only because there was something wrong with his invoice. SAF kept rejecting the invoice that Timbre gave them. So, I had to take my own personal time to meet him. One of which was a meal at Vivo's Carnivore with Alan and Eugene. But the invoice was rejected again so I had to prepare another one and go meet him myself.
I remember I drove to his house on a weekend just to pass him the stupid invoice. Not that far, as we live close to each other. I remember he was walking towards my car, and he stopped in the middle of the road. I passed him the invoice and we made some small talk. Just then, a car came up behind me and I was forced to move so as not to obstruct the way, so I asked him to come into the car so as not to seem rude as to just drive off. Apparently, here's what he thought (told to me months after it happened):
"I thought you were trying to seduce me, wearing that super short skirt and asking me to get into your car! Why would you want me to get in when you just need to pass me the invoice?"
Can't blame him, he knows nothing about road rules since he has not passed his driving test. And I didn't think the skirt was short at all lah!
Subsequently, the invoice was rejected again, so he had to come down to Timbre where I was having an event to have it collected. Rizal the head chef saw him and thought that we were dating! He went to tease The Boyfriend about it and I was damn embarrassed because obviously I didn't want anybody putting thoughts into his head.
After god knows how many rounds of rejected invoices, finally it was accepted.
And we ceased contact.
I went on living my insane life and seeing different guys, having a whale of a time being single. Then, one fine night, my phone rang and it was The Boyfriend. Which came as a shock to me (and I think I blogged about this before so I'll fast forward) but we began chatting almost every night then.
We could talk about anything and everything, and I realised that he was really quite a perfect person with good morals, and he was really righteous and full of integrity (kudos to my accurate first impression).
At that time, he went clubbing quite often, and one night at about 4am, he called me. I was quite pissed as I was very tired and suffering from insomnia, and had just drifted off to sleep when he disturbed me with his call.
"Why are you calling me so late for?? Are you mad??!" I screeched.
"I don't know, I just felt like calling you," he sounded sheepish.
"How was your clubbing session? Found any nice girls?" I asked, still pissed.
"I was kinda wishing that you were there," he said.
Now that got my attention. Was this a profession of infatuation at 4am in the wee hours of the morning?
Obviously not.
"Why?" I asked, though knowing him, I knew what his answer would be.
"I just thought you'd be there, because it was quite boring and I thought I could look for you since you club so often. Then we could hang out and it wouldn't be so boring," he said.
"Obviously I'm at home sleeping you ass. And what do you treat me as, someone to grind because there's a lack of girls??"
"Of course not, I just thought that you would be fun to be with," he said.
Oh did I forget to mention that he always knows the right thing to say so that girls wouldn't get angry with him?
Of course at this point of time I realised that even the most righteous guy can have wild thoughts.
A few months passed, whereby I almost never called him. He called weekly, then twice a week, then few times a week, then almost everyday. I was beginning to wonder when he would ask me out, then I pushed that thought away because he never asked girls out, and certainly not strange girls like me. He only asked that girl whom he was interested in to his event and after the event, they didn't keep in contact.
Then, I was busy web-camming with The Canadian and soon, he was due to come. One fine night, when I was driving The Canadian around with Thomas and Irene, The Boyfriend called. I said I was busy and would call him back.
But I never did.
At this point, he was secretly reading my blog and becoming more and more intrigued by me although he knew that I was seeing The Canadian. But somehow, he didn't see The Canadian as anything serious.
Of course, I never knew.
He planned his attack well, calling me again a few days after The Canadian left for Maple Land. Now, I merely treated him as a friend because well, I had The Canadian. We resumed our nightly chats (which was still possible because of the time difference in Canada and Singapore, I didn't need to be online). We came up with a 'fake relationship' in which I was to be his fake girlfriend because he didn't know what it felt like having a girlfriend.
A few weeks later, The Boyfriend had to leave for Brunei. Some army thing. We wanted to hang up early but somehow ended up chatting until 5ish in the morning, when he had to leave for the airport. In the 10 days that he was gone, somehow I managed to start hanging out with a couple of Brazilians. The Boyfriend and The Canadian were far from my mind.
When The Boyfriend finally came back, I remember his text, "Hi honey, I'm home!"
I had completely forgotten, and lost track of time.
So at this point of time, I was juggling The Canadian (in the wee hours of the night due to time difference), The Boyfriend (conversations end about midnight because army guys need to sleep early) and The Brazilian (whom I only meet on weekends).
*****
One day, after an event at Timbre, The Boyfriend suddenly called me and asked me out. He is random like that but I agreed, although I was shabbily dressed but honestly, I didn't care, lest he accuse me of trying to seduce him again.
We went to watch a movie where he asked me if I were cold. I said yes unsuspectingly, because well, I was cold as I was shabbily dressed without a jacket. And he put his arms around me.
I almost died.
I thought he was an innocent kid! Who knew, who knew.
It was all very high school and romantic and sweet. We spent a few hours chatting in my car again. He thought that I was interested in him because I was willing to spend my time to talk to him and did not ask him to get out of my car.
Of course, the communication between the Canadian and I lessened. He felt it and began making noise. But, I was too busy with too many guys and friends and work.
The Boyfriend asked me out two more times, and on our third date, we went drinking at Paulaner's. There, he told me that he was interested in this girl, who was his childhood crush. Apparently she was interested in him too, because he had suddenly blossomed into a handsome young man.
But when we left the bar, he held my hand.
Warning signs flashed in my head. I thought that I had been duped. HE was the player!
But I decided to play it cool and on the ride in the cab home, he tried to kiss me but I feigned ignorance and turned my head away. And he chickened out.
It was the Christmas season, and I learnt that The Boyfriend had asked his childhood crush out on Christmas Eve. He also told her about me. I was angry because I thought that he was blatantly playing two girls.
I decided to spend more time with The Brazilian instead. At least I knew for sure that he was a player. But The Boyfriend asked me out consecutively for 2 days after his date with childhood crush and that was when I knew that I had won.
Then, it was my birthday. I was drunk when The Boyfriend finally arrived. I kept yelling for him to lean on, for him to bring me to the toilet. Apart from Pamela, who was taking care of me, it was he who I dragged around on my drunken spree. Irene thought that we were already together. Poor him.
After my birthday, it was a new year. The Canadian and I kind of fell out, because he thought that I simply didn't care anymore.
The Boyfriend and I kept it up with him constantly asking me out. I noticed a great difference in him - he would make an effort to come out of camp just to see me, whereas he was mostly always in camp before he started asking me out.
He finally kissed me (in which I will not go into detail of) and things between us blossomed. But I was still seeing The Brazilian.
And then, one day, he told me that he had told his childhood crush that he was interested in me. She was crushed indeed.
Things got more serious and even when I saw The Brazilian, I was thinking of The Boyfriend. I decided to stop seeing The Brazilian. I was also feeling guilty over The Canadian.
But one day, The Boyfriend decided that he was guilty over me and wanted to call it off. I shall not go into detail of this horrendous state because I have blogged about it before and the gist of it is that The Boyfriend called us on and off because he felt guilty.
But he got his act together and we began dating for real. And one day, he told me that he loved me. I cannot put into words how touched I was then. I still am now, whenever he says he loves me, I know that he means it.
I was hesitant about getting together with him though, as I thought we could not last. Finally, I got my act together and told him that we should indeed be together, after a very romantic Valentine's Day.
Yes, women's decisions are very much based on their emotions, therefore romance DOES help in influencing their decisions.
From then on, we are the way we are. There are still ups and downs such as revenging third-party childhood crushes, The Canadian, who tried to contact me, religion, my dressing, his moody face, whatever, anything also have.
But we always solve the problem and I always love him more than ever. And I know that he will never leave me because he does not believe in trading up. I am so much happier - I sleep earlier because he sleeps early, I seldom go clubbing anymore, I even go to church because of him (but haven't been going these past few weeks), I don't even feel like playing around anymore (although I do get fleeting thoughts).
It is a blessing when one can find another partner who loves them as much or more than they love him/her. But it is knowing that your partner is for keeps that makes life so much more beautiful.
the angels they burn inside for us|4:09:00 PM|
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