Sunday, October 30
\\**//
On impulse, I quit my job on Friday. I was feeling quite depressed and tired back then, and some how, I found myself on Saturday morning, typing my resignation letter.
So now, after 14 days, I shall have no more job.
The thing is, I don't really want to quit. Being the pioneer staff there since that place opened, and forging new friendships with fun-loving people over there.
I will miss them.
Although my supervisor did say that I will always be welcome back and that it is my choice if i want to stay or go, but I think that staying will be a loss of face, since I've already tendered my resignation (although I simply do not know why a resignation letter is needed for a 2 week notice since I am just a PART TIME STAFF).
So therefore, I need to find a new job soon.
Anyone, got lobang or any job? Preferably waitressing.
I don't really have a clear idea why i quit my job either.Long story.
the angels they burn inside for us|9:49:00 PM|
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Thursday, October 27
\\**//
I study in NYP, School of Business Management in this course that I now think is very chapalang. The Media Studies and Management course. Actually, I have been thinking it since the first semester. Now it's the fourth, and still. I'm beginning to think that this course really is getting more and more boring.
But this story that I am going to tell is not about my course or the people in it (that shall be another story, when I'm fuming mad enough to waste my time blogging about some of them).
In the school of Business Management (SBM), resides the Director and his crew of 'watchdogs', as quoted from some lecturers who shall not be named. In the entire NYP, only SBM's rules are the strictest:
First and foremost, the most commonly uttered word by lecturers, lanyards.
Lanyards are these strings in assorted colours (red for SBM, green for School of Health Science etc etc) that are attached to a plastic holder which holds the students' admin card and in some cases, mini timetables or any other chapalang stuff.
Lanyards make me feel like a dog. And I'm female. So I feel like a female dog.
That is not the point. The point is, in SBM, lecturers seem to be reciting from a script. In every tutorial, lecture and conversation, certain lecturers will go, "Where's your lanyard?"
It used to be "No lanyard pay fifty cents," but they figured fifty cents was too cheap a price to pay in order to avoid feeling like a female dog, so they changed the lines to, "Please ah, put on your lanyard,"
OR the hand would just shake his/her own lanyard and a look of question would appear on the lecturer's face.
Anyway, I do not like wearing my lanyard. So I do not wear it usually, except in the presence of domineering lecturers and lectures.
After a long introduction, I shall now start my tale. Well, it is not really a tale because it really happened to me. Today.
I had a long day at school. As usual, I was in one of my skirts, a bright-coloured tee, heavily accessorised with a huge esprit bag and covered shoes. Oh and no lanyard.
After a super long day, at 5pm I entered the school lift with Chin Teck. I was tired, stoned and a little dreading going to work. The lift descended.
I stare into space at the lift buttons; Chin Teck and I in stony silence.
The lift stops at the 3rd floor. Two men come in. I press the door open and out of the corner of my eye, I see him!
It is the most widely feared person in the whole of SBM (i think)!
It is the name most uttered on lecturer's lips!
It is none other than Mr Sesh, Director of SBM! And one of his watchdogs.
*note: watchdogs are men who go around catching students who wear shoes without straps behind their heels and no lanyard
I straighten up immediately. My senses are now alert all of a sudden. I continue staring at the lift buttons, my mind whirring.
Shit, where's my lanyard?!
I try to slip my hand into my bag but it is too big and bulky and I can't feel my lanyard properly and besides, sudden movement would alert him and turn his attention to me. I am hoping that he will not notice me, but of course, that is totally impossible because I am just...
standing next to him. In a brightly coloured tee shirt.
Had I been wearing a brown tee shirt to camouflage into the lift's walls, he would still have seen me.
Still I stood. As the lift descended, I felt as though I was descending to my hell of doom.
Finally, it reached my destinated level one. Which was the last level. Which meant the Director and his watchdog would be exiting with Chin Teck and I. We have not spoken a word to each other. I daren't look at her, for she is at the other side of the Director at the suddenly very far end of the lift.
The lift had never seemed so huge in my entire life at NYP.
I step gingerly out of the lift, obviously before the director, before he can see me. I am of course harbouring naive hopes that he still has not seen me.
That is of course, a stupid hope by a stupid person like me, for there were only 4 people in that un-ventilated lift. I had trouble breathing, more than ever. More than when it is packed with 20 people. More than when someone brings in a tuna sandwich and it smells like fart.
Suddenly, a voice booms out, when I am making my (failed) escape. "Where are girls from?"
It is, of course, the most feared Director of SBM.
I spin around, my breath caught in my throat. I finger my beads hanging around my neck nervously. Chin Teck has stopped next to the director and I am just a step or two ahead.
Here is our conversation that went oh so smoothly.
Teckie (in a very very super polite voice): Oh, I'm from SBM.
Me (with a very very bright and cheery and fake smile. Luckily I managed to calm my teeth or they would be chattering): I'm from School of Health Sciences, SHS.
I am glad my voice sounds normal and like i'm really from SHS.
Director: Oh I see... what course are you taking?
I almost say Media Studies, but I stop myself in time.
Teckie (still in her very very polite voice): Media Studies and Management.
Director (turns to face me): And you?
Me: Oh I'm from Nursing.
I can't think of any other course in SHS that I know. WAHAHAHAH.
Director: Oh, both of you know each other?
Teckie: Yeah--
Me: Yeah! We're class---- er, friends and we're going out now. Shopping!
Director: I see...
Director (seems to take interest in me and my nursing course): Oh... so what year are you in?
Me: I'm ah... Year One.
I grin and grin and grin like nobody's business. I grin so that he can't see through my lies. I hope.
Director: Oh... Year One... (smiles) So have you done your clinical attachment?
What the fuck is clinical attachment??!
Me (still grinning like a cheshire cat): ah... No..I haven't done my clinical attachment...yet...
Director (smiles kindly): So you hope to be a nurse? That's your lifelong ambition and goal?
Me: Well, I hope I can be a successful nurse...it is sort of my goal...ha, ha!
Director: By the way, I am the director of this school-- School of Business.
I SO know that...my god......
Me (cheerily): Oh! I see...nice to meet you!
And I extend my hand to shake his.
He shakes my hand too. His hand feel very very soft and smooth. As soft and smooth as baby's skin...I am so not kidding. It is so true. I swear by it.
Director: Okay I got to do some errands now.
Teckie: Oh sure...bye!
Me: Okay bye!
And we walk off in opposite directions.
In silence.
And then Teckie and I turn back almost at the same time and the director has disappeared.
And she says, "My god Maxine!! What were you doinggg??!"
And I say, "I was very scared! I got no lanyard!"
And she says, "Aiyooo...I was like I don't even know what to say and you're there saying you're from SHS!!"
"Shhh..." I say, and turn behind, in case the director suddenly appears behind us and arrests me to his office for fraud and no lanyard.
And Teckie says, "Why you never take VC's advice and say you're from SIT instead?"
*SIT is School of IT. Duh.
And I say, "Because I can't think of any course in SIT mah!"
And Teckie says, "I can't imagine you a nurse,"
If she wasn't so overwhelmed, I predict she might have said, "I cant imagine you a nurse; maybe in some porn movie lah,"
And that, was my very fateful meeting with the Director of SBM, most feared man in all of SBM mankind.
Luckily I didn't meet him when I had my red spiky hair and blonde bleached hair. Luckily.
the angels they burn inside for us|12:52:00 AM|
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Sunday, October 23
\\**//
After quarrelling for many days, our arguments ended with a speech by Mr M that made my friends go, "Wah so touching...like Korean drama,"
In case my short-term memory does not serve to register and save the memory forever, I shall imprint it here in web space.
So we were quarrelling and I was shouting at the top of my voice (whatever's left of it) over the phone and we were really both quite upset. After about 3 hours everyday of quarrelling over the phone, the arguments finally ended in a way or another.
Mr M said tearfully, "Just do whatever you want. But let me take care of you for as long as I can. I really love you alot and I find that I've never been so sad over a girl when it comes to leaving her. I cannot bring myself to leave you. Please let me take care and love you. Even if you don't feel the same way...it's okay,"
And that's what I told some of my close friends. And they went, "Wah! Like some Korean drama serial," and "So sweeeeeeet...." and "Then what did you say??"
And I said, "Ok," to Mr M.
And my friends went, "WHAAAT?! You just said okay??!"
And I said, "Yeah..what do u expect me to say? He doesn't trust me or believe what I say anyway. So even if I said I love you ... it'd be a waste of emotions,"
And Kelly said, "But he just wants to hear it. He's insecure and by saying it it secures him to a certain extent although he may not trust you anymore,"
Hmmm.
Okay. Anyway so I told Mr M that I did love him and please just tell me straight to my face if he doesn't want me to do certain things and not say that he doesn't mind but actually minds and just does not wanna appear a control freak.
So after our Days Of Arguments, our 6-month anniversary loomed ahead.
Mr M made plans to go to the beach at Sentosa and then dinner. So from my house, we trooped down to Serangoon MRT station.
Mr M "siam-ed" away as soon as I clicked the camera.
We get onboard the train and I make him uncomfortable by taking pictures again.
I understand that my eyebags are horrendous in this picture. Because I'd just woken up after some hours of sleep (or rather, lack of it).
We reach Sentosa within less than an hour. We see some wake boarders and Mr M points out the cutest one. He has spotted the Quiksilver singlet that he's wearing and he agrees with me that the wake boarder is a good-looker.
We choose to go to Palawan beach, figuring that it wouldn't be so crowded. But it turns out that all the beaches are rather empty for a Saturday, and Mr M points out that it's A and O level season. Poor students.
We find a good spot with a table and strip and run down to the water. Mr M runs; I walk tentatively into the cold sea. He splashes water at me and it is cold so I yell at him. But he does it again and the salt water goes into my eyes. I tell him nicely not to splash sea water at me thank you and he doesn't do it again.
We swim around in the sea and I see floating moss around us. I pick one up and say, "Look! This looks like moss,"
And Mr M flings the thing out of my hand and says, "Don't touch! It might be shit,"
I burst out laughing and say, "If it's shit then we're swimming in shit," and I gesture around us where more moss is floating. I splat a piece of moss onto his topless torso.
"Then we shall swim to a place where there's no such things floating around us," he says.
After awhile of swimming in the currents, we climb up to the sand where the waves continuously splash sand into my butt.
Mr M and I lie on the sand for awhile. I realise that we don't do the things that couples do, i.e right their names on the sand with a heart in between, or build sandcastles that they name "Our Home", or roll around the sand kissing passionately...
Instead, we lie on our fronts and talk seriously. I mention a naval piercing. Things other than our bodies get heated up again and I decide to relent and consent to him because I have decided to be more sacrificial for our relationship and also to avoid another huge quarrel whereby he says I'm insensitive again.
After awhile, I decided to tan. So I lie on the beach while Mr M gets his newspaper and reads beside me. He puts his shirt on my face because my sunglasses is not strong or dark enough to block out the strong sunlight.
Mr M wears his own housefly sunglasses.
We go back into the water and swim around for awhile more before I say that I wanted to go to 7-11 cuz my stomach was rumbling.
So we walk down to 7-11. We see youngsters playing volleyball, assortments of dogs swimming in the sea and digging in the sand...
Mr M keeps telling me that I'm really not fat. And then he points out all the girls who he think are fat. Those girls he pointed out were really fat. I mean... GAH.
We eat nachos at 7-11 and drink a Yoghurt drink.
We walk to the toilets after our mid-day snack and I find a queue of 6 girls in front of me! God. I spend about 20 minutes queueing and another 20 minutes showering and packing my stuff and getting ready. And that's pretty quick for me. 20 minutes!
I tell Mr M that the Yellow Line is the line to go back to the Visitor Departure/Arrival Centre, but he says the Red Line is faster. But no! We spend 1 hour on the Red Line bus with a quirky bus driver. I said, "I told you to take the Yellow Line it's faster lor... Where's the map that you took?"
And he gestures to his bag, reluctant to take out the map and see that I'm correct. He says, "We're not in a hurry right??"
What is it with men and referring for directions??!
We go to Coffee Club in our shorts/bermudas and slippers. We order three main courses. I ask Mr M, "Are you sure we can finish it?"
And he says, "Just order. Cannot finish just leave it lor. And afterwards we can order dessert okay?"
I am stunned.
Mr M is one who does not waste food and always finishes my food for me.
We order a main course of pork ribs (for me), rosemary chicken (for him) and beef goulash with bread (for us). He changes my ice water to warm water for me because I am coughing.
And after our hearty dinner, he orders a Strawberry, Banana and fruit Fondue.
It is utterly...orgasmic.
There is a candle at the bottom of the metal container holding the chocolate, which I thought would be rather romantic if Coffee Club hadn't been so brightly lit with so many noisy people.
I dipped the fruits-- strawberry, kiwi, mango and banana-- into the heavenly chocolate. The first taste was... a rush of warmth and goodness up my body.
We fed each other, which is rather typical of couples to do. I mean, we don't write our names in the sand but allow us some other 'typicalities of a coupled life'. Chocolate dripped everywhere.
After our very very filling dinner and dessert, Mr M paid up and we left.
Half a year together already. I can't believe it. It's not exactly long. But still.
the angels they burn inside for us|5:33:00 PM|
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Wednesday, October 19
\\**//
On the night before school officially reopened, I threw myself into a shopping spree. Ignoring the stupid virus that was hard to stamp down in my body, I charged down to town and began swiping my UOB card through and filling my wallet with pieces of paper also known as receipts.
I arrived home happy.
In my bags were:
A birthday gift for my sister $40
A pair of Levi's 593 super super low bootcut jeans $129.90
4 pairs of underwear from Topshop (they are absolutely gorgeous OMG!! especially the boxer shorts and the lacy thongs... what a dream when fitted upon my legs) $24.90
I fell asleep happy.
One would think, that the first day of school after a period of two months plus without regular tutorials and lectures, would be rather exciting. But not for me...
See, here's my sad story.
On my first day of school on October 17th, I had only about 5 hours of sleep (which pales in comparison to the 10 hours I used to have everyday) and I kept awaking in the middle of the night because it was very very cold and I kept shivering even though I had only the fan on.
So I awoke and felt so damn cold at 7am. The coldness was unnatural. I turned on the shower to almost boiling point at around 60-80 degrees, but still I was not warmed. I kept shivering and shivering and the shivers were inside me.
I knew then, that I was sick.
I was walking around town in the rain in a very mini skirt and spaghetti strapped top the previous night with many shopping bags.
Even after i got dressed, I felt unnaturally cold inside me and still kept shivering. And then I felt nauseous. And I attempted to drink my coffee which my mother prepared, and then swallow two Panadol pills that Mr M got for me.
And Mr M sent me to school. I had a throbbing headache and he told me that I felt feverish.
BUT it being the first day of school, I couldn't afford to be absent! How could I ...? It is just so mean.
The first lesson of the day was by a new lecturer who resembles a hamburger and has practically everything in his blood. I don't mean cancerous cells, it's not that. *choy*
The lecturer of my Monday morning is 1/8 french, 1/8 chinese, 1/8 dutch, 1/8 filipino, 1/8 irish... and I can't remember the rest.
A lot of my lessons were cancelled one after the other, in the following days. In one lecture, I studiously scribbled in my trusty pink/purple felt notebook that I have proudly been using since I started Semester One! Who, who can use a notebook for 3 semesters (and into the 4th)...??
The scribbles made up my shopping expenditure list over the past two weeks.Here is what it looks like:
Jim Beam Cola Bottle @ Rouge $ 158
Red Earth Lipstick $11
Red Earth Lip Gloss $11
L'Oreal True Match Foundation in Medium N4 $29.90
TopShop thongs $24.90
Body Shop Strawberry Scrub $9.90
Birthday Present That Will Still Remain Anonymous Because My Sister's Birthday Has Not Arrived $40
Levi's 593 Super Super Low Bootcut Jeans $125.90
Strip Co-Ed Brazilian Wax $21
I couldnt be bothered to calculate the total because I was too tired to do mental calculations.
-from here onwards, my blog was erased. so all my days happenings like people saying that i've lost alot of weight, my size 8 Top Shop thongs, the fruit juice auntie at South canteen who still remembers me after 10 years have all been erased-
Thank you. I am too lazy to continue to try to recap.
the angels they burn inside for us|4:54:00 PM|
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Friday, October 14
\\**//
I am barely 18.
Mr M constantly reminds me of this fact. It makes me happy.
It sounds so... naughty and young and all things girly. Hee hee.
So Mr M thinks he's very old huh!?!??!?!
Technically, he's only one year older than I, but because our birth days are so close together (in terms of days)-- he's born on 2nd January while I'm born on 31st December.
But he is actually 1 year and 363 days apart from I.
Hee hee.
oh i am just boredddd... did i mention that I didn't make the trials of working last night?
Almost fainted.
the angels they burn inside for us|12:19:00 AM|
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Wednesday, October 12
\\**//
I fell ill on Sunday.
My eyes began tearing wildly, my body got feverish and felt raw, and I was coughing like tuberculosis had struck.
On Sunday night, I was curled up on the sofa with Mr M, my dad and my mum. We were watching War of the Worlds and Triple X: State of the Union on DVD. I felt weak. But I went to prepare the dinner of soup and sandwiches. Mr M helped.
After dinner, my head felt extremely heavy and my eyes were red and downright watery. I could not even stop the tears from flowing down my face. Mr M felt my forehead and said, "You have a fever,"
He hurriedly tucked me into bed and told me to rest. He bundled me up in blankets and said, "You have to sweat it out. It'll be good for you,"
"But I'm very sweaty... I can't stand it..." I moaned with whatever strength I could muster.
He didn't take my pleadings and continued to hold my hand in the darkness, while I lay on my bed like a ba zhang.
My mum came in and felt my forehead and popped a very pretty looking pink capsule into my mouth. Then she turned to Mr M and said, "What time do you have to be in camp?"
He said, "11:30pm,"
And my mum said, "Oh okay... Well don't worry about her. She'll be okay,"
And Mr M left me at 10 plus to go back to camp.
On Monday, I felt relatively better. Mr M would be coming out of camp to meet me for dinner. We snuggled on the sofa again and watched a DVD-- this time, Bewitched. It was rather boring, so we didn't watch the ending but switched to television programs instead.
My eyes started watering again. So did my nose. And my coughing increased.
"Cough out the phlegm," Mr M said. "You'll feel much better,"
"I don't know how to cough it out," I said and coughed some more.
We lay on the sofa in the dark for a while more and I said my head felt very heavy and dizzy and my body was aching like mad.
Mr M felt my forehead again and said, "You have a fever again,"
And my mum appeared and said, "Go and see a doctor. Ask Mr M to go with you,"
And Mr M nodded so he supported me in my weak state to the nearby doctor.
When I was feeling cold because of the chill in the waiting room of the clinic, he rubbed my arms with his; but I would wince because my skin felt so raw like it could tear at any moment.
"I don't wanna get dengue," I said tearfully (out of fear and sickness). But all he said in his calm and cool demeanour was, "Don't worry. You won't get dengue so easily,"
I went in to see the doctor and all he said was, "You have a virus infection. Drink more fluids, no gassy drinks and rest more,"
And gave me some medicine.
That night, Mr M prepared my pills and a bottle of warm water and gave it to me while I lay in bed, too weakened and sore to move. He bundled me up in blankets again.
As he held my feverish hand, his other hand stroked my hair, sending raw sensations up my spine. It hurt.
The effect of the medcine quickly set in and the image of Mr M illuminated by the light in my dining room became a blur. Those strong shoulders and the careless hair waxed by my hair wax...
In my subconsciousness, I felt his hand slip away. I wanted to wake up and say, "Don't go back to camp,"
But I couldn't.
Then I felt him come back again and nudge me on my shoulder.
"Maxine?" he nudged. "Maxine...?"
I tried to open my heavy lids and as I did, tears rolled out. I still have no idea why my eyes were watering so badly.
"I called my sergeant already and took off tonight. I can stay here and accompany you," Mr M said.
I smiled through my tears that weren't there because I cried.
"That's nice of you," I said softly because my throat hurt like hell. I coughed.
Mr M held my hand again and tucked the blankets around me.
"Poor girl," he said mournfully. "Does your head still hurt?"
"My whole body is aching. Do you wanna go tell my mum that you're staying here?" I said in my soft undertones that would never have materialised in my normal state.
"Er..." he went.
"Its okay, i'll go." I said and he helped me up.
My mum asked how come he can just take an off day just like that. I said I didn't know. And then Mr M went to help me get the mattress that is freaking heavy like a bed from my parents' room.
"Don't you dare move. I'll carry the mattress," he ordered.
And then he tucked me into bed again. And lay beside me, the mattress abandoned on the floor.
"I don't like to see you so sick. It makes me sad because you're so uncomfortable," Mr M said.
I wanted to drink in his face and remember his warmth of that night forever. The concern in his eyes shone in the dark. I felt weak and he was strong. I was banking on his strength to keep my eyes open but they were struggling.
"Just close your eyes and sleep," he said.
The tears kept flowing down my face. I heard my door open and I opened my eyes until I could see through the slit in them. I saw the silhouettes of my parents standing in my doorway. Mr M got up.
My mum said, "You better don't go too close to her... or you'll get the virus too,"
The next morning, Mr M woke me up at 9am.
"Are you feeling better? It's time to eat breakfast and then you must take your medicine. Is there anything to eat?" he said.
"Yeah... hot dog buns." I said groggily.
"Okay I'll go make breakfast for you," and he disappeared.
I lay in bed and counted the seconds as they passed. 1000...2000...3000... ... 17000...
I knew I'd have to get up soon and make the breakfast.
Mr M reappeared about 3 minutes later.
"I don't know how to make hot dog buns,"
I smiled to myself despite my aching body and said, "It's okay I'll do it,"
So I prepared two hot dog buns although I was not hungry. But I definitely felt stronger.
After we were done, Mr M prepared my pills and a glass of water again and watched me take the 5 pills.
"And now you have to go and sleep," he said.
But I wasn't sleepy so I read a book while he fell asleep next to me and sometimes when I looked away from my book into his face, I saw something that was not there when he was awake.
He looked like a child. Peaceful and lost in his dreams.
The face had lost all its maturity and suddenly in its place was just a sleeping child. I kissed his exposed cheek and he stirred.
I grew drowsy after an hour or so and cuddled next to him, lulled into sleep by the medication.
When we awoke, I felt stronger. Mr M suggested going to Serangoon Gardens so we went to Chomp Chomp to eat. Not the best of places for a sick person like me to go. We had 10 sticks of satay, Rojak, chicken porridge (of which I ate two mouthfuls) and some deep-fried tofu.
My parents came to join us later. And sent us home after they had their dinner.
That night, Mr M would have to book into camp. So my dad offered to send him to his camp. We had supper together at Jalan Kayu and Mr M was booked in at 2330.
While all this was happening, my beloved dog was... busy mating. Making a hell lot of noise until I was so bloody pissed at all the dogs in my house.
And tonight, I shall see if my weakened body can withstand the trials of work.
But it was really sweet of Mr M to take off for his sick girlfriend.
the angels they burn inside for us|1:50:00 PM|
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Friday, October 7
\\**//
There was a planned expedition for the 6th of September 2005 at 3pm. The partners were due to meet at 2:45pm sharp in a not-so-crowded place on that particular Thursday-- the bus stop opposite Far East Plaza.
On the morning of the expedition, Partner A-- Ms Kelly Giang-- had an illness of some sort that resulted in much bleeding and so, had to drop out of the expedition for it was unsafe. Therefore, Partner B-- Ms Maxine Mikaeleia aka ME-- had to go on the expedition alone.
At 2:45pm, Partner B aka ME, was late.
Despite Kelly's illness, she followed her fellow expeditioner on the planned expedition-- which Partner A, who is I, would go on bravely.
So, both girls crossed the overhead bridge that went over a busy road of streaming cars in the heart of Singapore to Shaw Centre (the correct one).
Unsure of their destination, they stopped a security guard and were told to take the elevator to one of the highest floors in a not so high building.
The 20th Floor.
The elevator button was pressed (with not much force, since it was sensor automated) and up they went. Unlike Charlie and the Glass Elevator, this elevator went relatively slow. The baby next to me gurgled. The parent of the baby cooed. And the baby gurgled again. Two businessmen talked about Singapore and their diving trips.
Unlike NYP's elevator, this elevator had not only ventilation, but also air-conditioning.
Finally, Partner A and Partner B reached their floor and stepped out.
"Are you sure this is the place?"
One of us (unsure who) asked the other.
"Maybe the security guard mistook it and gave us the wrong floor,"
"But look! I see it!"
And both girls advance towards the destination.
A glass door is pushed open. A heart of impending doom fills me, for I have a task to fulfill. A task that I have never undertaken ever before in my entire life.
A lady and a man stand behind a counter. They look relatively friendly-- and the man looks relatively gay.
"First timers?" the lady asks and I nod.
I fill out a form.
"Will it be painful?" I ask with much apprehension.
"Oh yes... Just remember to breathe," the lady said with a smile. "And then you'll want more,"
Sounds very much like cocaine to me, but I just remain tight-lipped and decide to be brave.
The lady said, "You will be doing an all-off right?"
"What is all-off?" I asked. But before she could answer, another lady appeared and told me to follow her.
My partner, the-Kelly-who-couldn't-make-it-last-minute-but-supported-me-anyway-but-it-was-her-idea-in-the-first-place, said, "Good luck! I'll wait for you here,"
And she sat down with the gay man and friendly lady.
"Don't worry, you'll be in good hands," said the friendly lady.
And I found myself being whisked down a carpeted corridor. It wasn't a long corridor, just about a few metres long. Maybe about two. I have never been great at metres or math.
The lady leading me made a turn at the second door on her right and opened it. The first thing I saw was a bed. A simple bed, covered with many brown towels.
So this is where I will reside for the next...how long? I think.
I look around and see a poster. HSQ.
Hygiene, Speed (15 minutes) and Quality. I try to read the finer print but the lady is talking to me.
"You can put your bag over there and take off your clothes and shoes. And then lie on the bed and use the towel to cover,"
I manage a grunt.
The lady left the room and I hurriedly undress.
When I am semi-naked bottom-down, I lie on the bed.
Surprisingly, I do not feel cold as I thought I should. My toes are of normal temperature and I am not shivering.
I lie still and I hear the lady come in again (the door is at my back and I cannot see her).
The overhead lamp above me flickers on. It is a bright white light. Suddenly, I feel like I am lying on an operation table. Scarily, without any anaesthetic whatsoever.
The lady takes off the towel and I am exposed. Surprisingly, I do not feel shy.
The lady has her hair up in a tight ponytail. She is wearing a face mask and puts on rubber latex gloves which snap menacingly. She dampens a tissue paper with something cold and rubs it onto me.
I still do not feel cold.
But I am nervous. My mission has only just begun.
Then, she picks up a scissors and begins snipping away. I lie there, fingers twirled, and I can finally read the print on the poster.
Hygiene-- We practice hygiene ...
I can't remember all. I can remember latex gloves in that paragraph though.
On the wall at the foot of my bed, are the letters, "b r e a t h e" that go vertically down the wall.
Suddenly, the snipping stops. It is then when I know it is coming!
"Bend your left knee please," the lady says. She maintains a professional look.
I bend my left knee at a 45 degree angle but my whole leg is still on the bed. I realise that if somebody were to take a picture from above, my legs would form a very irregular triangle.
The lady scoops something out from a pot on a wooden stick that looks like an ice-cream stick but much bigger. And longer. Oh and thicker, of course.
She applies the gray stuff on my body part and says, "Wax okay?"
I did not understand what she was saying so I kept quiet.
"Okay now...breathe in---" she plastered a white paper onto the wax
I breathed in.
"Breathe out--"
I breathed out.
She pulled.
I muffled a... scream? Moan?
Anyhow, I swallowed whatever was emerging from my voice box.
The scooped more gray stuff out and applied it and once again, "Breathe in-- you must breathe out faster okay?"
So I breathed out quickly and she yanked again.
I shut my eyes tightly and grit my teeth.
I open my eyes and focus on the letters "b r e a t h e". The "e" looks very cute... the "a" is just like how I write it... the "h" looks like it can spell "house"...
"Wax okay?" the lady asks again. "If the wax is too hot just let me know,"
The wax is hot. But somehow, the heat is soothing and comforting.
"Breathe in-- breathe out..."
YANK.
And then she takes smaller squares of what I think is latex paper and begin dabbing on the waxy spots.
I concentrate on the "b r e a t h e" as small jets of ... no not pain... weird sensations shoot up my nerves. Stinging.
Suddenly, the lady is scooping out PINK gunk onto the wooden stick!
I am revived. Pink is one of my favourite colours. I eye it happily as she applies it.
She asks me to breathe in and out and yanks on my skin at least 8 to 10 times.My stomach growls. I have not eaten a thing.
She moves from section to section of my body part, I feel it is very systematic and professional.
But suddenly, the very last yank she gave was ultra painful. It left my skin stinging and like it just got ripped.
"Turn over please," the lady instructed.
So I did.
And she applied more hot wax and asked, "Wax okay?"
This time it was NOT okay! The hot wax burned my skin.
"It's too hot," I said.
So she stopped and cooled it. But like, whats the point? My skin felt burnt.
The yanking at the back was rather painless.
The lady then applied some oil and rubbed it in and told me to leave it on for two hours. When she was done, she said, "Okay, it's over. You can now wear your clothes,"
I got off the bed (still not cold) and proceeded to dress in front of her. I felt a bit shy. But hello she was staring at my privates for like the past 15 to 20 minutes.
And that was my first Brazilian waxing experience.
the angels they burn inside for us|2:59:00 AM|
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Wednesday, October 5
\\**//
Today, I went out with my colleague, Jason. Jason is having his off day today (he works in Timbre's kitchen as a cook) and he called me and woke me up at 1345 in the afternoon.
He asked me to go out and have a drink. I said okay.
So we met in town and we were both ravenously hungry. We decided to go to Wisma Atria to have lunch. We checked out IndoChine restaurant but it was too fine for us uncouth youths, so we headed to this not so cosy place called Pizza Walker.
Jason and I checked out the menu and when the waiter came, I asked Jason what did he want to eat? He said he wanted the Deep-Fried Chicken Set. That was what I wanted! So we ordered TWO (2) Deep-Fried Chicken Sets.
And then I asked Jason what did he want to drink? And he said, Mango Juice! And I said, do you love juice? Because when we went clubbing at Rouge, Jason bought all of us Timbre staff and Pamela a bottle of Jack Daniel's but he himself drank... Orange Juice!
And I said I wanted Ice Mocha, and Jason said, Oh! There's a Cold Beverages list! Now I see it.
And he checked out the list of Ice Mocha, Ice Chocolate, Ice Coffee, Ice Latte...
And said he wanted an iced mocha too.
So Jason told the waiter, who was very very very polite to us, that he wanted TWO deep fried chicken sets and TWO ice mochas.
And I was wondering, how come we're eating the same thing? And subconsciously raised an eyebrow. And Jason asked me what was wrong and I said don't you realise we're eating the same thing? And he said its okay what.
So I shrugged and at the end of my shrug, the very very very polite waiter came back and said that actually the deep fried chicken set can be shared among two so would we like to order something else to share?
And Jason said why don't you get us some menus?
And so he got the menus for us and we decided to eat a pizza that was called Pizza Walker.
Jason and I were both irked by the fact that the pizza restaurant did not use coasters! In Timbre, coasters are put under almost anything that is cold. Except for wine glasses, martini glasses, cups of coffee/tea/latte and Snowball glasses.
And so Jason said, eh no coasters I feel very gao wei.
And I said, yah lor. See the thing is dripping.
We had a very wet table at the end. We talked about stuff. Jason's girlfriend, his life, his feelings.
The pizza was great. Topped with chicken floss, mushrooms, chicken and mozzarella cheese. Thin crusted. But the deep-fried chicken was lousy. I think KFC fries nicer chickens.
Jason paid for it all although I offered. Jason is always like that. Generous.
Jason sent me to work after that. Because he had to pass our GM, Greg, some cigarettes. On the way to Timbre, we walked to Dhoby Ghaut and I saw ... Junsheng! Who still looks the same... and Darren! My NPCC senior, who is now a coast guard in army! He somehow looks different. Must be the maturity.
Of course Mr M knew about all this. I told him the moment I decided to go out with Jason.
I SMSed Mr M after work. He asked how was the date.
I noticed the choice of words and replied that it wasn't a date but that we were just friends. Besides, Mr M knows Jason is interested in Pamela.
But still, I sensed the upset in Mr M. Despite him saying repeatedly that he wasn't upset.
I talked to Mr M on the phone and he told me about his gay friend in camp who is interested in him despite knowing that Mr M has a girlfriend. Who is me. Miss M.
And the girlfriend (who is me) lives very very very near this gay friend of Mr M's. Just a few measly blocks down!
Oh my it is raining outside my window.
Anyway, my conversation with Mr M went somewhat like this.
Mr M: I was talking to my that friend and he asked whether I still have a girlfriend.
Me: Your gay friend?
Mr M: Er...yah.
Me: Oh. And then?
Mr M: He said I used to have bites all over my neck and asked why now don't have. So i said, now don't have already. And he said, "Don't have bites or don't have girlfriend?"
Me: mm-hmm.
Mr M: I said no more bites. And he said, "I thought no more girlfriend,"
Me: mmmmm...
Mr M: And then I was lying on the bed waiting for my phone to finish charging then he said he felt like sleeping. Then he lie on my arm.
Me: What arm?
Mr M: My arm lor.
Me -rising panic- : The way I lie in your arms??
Mr M: Yeah.
Me: Oh.
Me again: Which arm?
Mr M: My right arm.
Me -risen panic but just says- : Oh.
Mr M: -silent-
Me -bursts out-: How could he!!! He really slept in your arms? Why did you let him?
Mr M -in his calm way- : He didn't sleep lah. We were talking. And then he said if I got no more bites then he'll bite for me.
Me: -silent gasp- -my fingers are frantically clicking on my mouse which is located in Friendster.-
Mr M: Then he started biting my arm.
Me : He gave you a love bite on your arm?
-I find Mr M's friendster by this time-
Mr M: No lah he didn't suck he just bite and then got the teeth mark lor.
Me: Not pain meh.
-I found his friend's Friendster by this time-
Mr M: No lah not even abit.
Mr M again: And then I told him, "Can you stop it," cuz i really got no mood to talk to him and let him bite me.
Me : In a fierce way? I found your friend's Friendster.
Mr M: -says something I cannot make out-
Me: Oh.
Me again: why no mood? What if other guys in the bunk see?
Mr M: I think one of them saw lah but I don't care also.
Me: Oh. Now he can see that I have surfed his Friendster. How?
Mr M: How did you find him? You typed -friend's name- ah?
Me : No lah! Later 100 -friend's name- pop out lor. Of course I went to your Friendster right.
Mr M: And then I went back to my bunk when my phone finished charging and said I wanted to talk to you and I left him on the bed lor.
Me: Wasn't he sad?
Mr M: He's not really gay lah he's just a bit feminine.
That's Mr M. Always has something good to say about others.
On to more serious topics of our phone conversation, Mr M, as I said, sounded upset. Which I think is because I went out with Jason. But I did ask him waayy beforehand if he minded if I went out with my guy friends one on one and he said he didn't mind.
And finally, Mr M said, after many "I'm not upset or unhappy"s,
"I've done alot of thinking. I decided that I shouldn't care too much about what you do. Like, I shouldn't control you so much. If you wanna go out with friends or what, or work, or *thing that he made me choose between him or this thing which isn't even human*, I shouldn't control you. You should have the freedom to do whatever you like. I think it's better that way..."
WHERE got such boyfriend?!?
"It's not that I don't wanna care about you anymore, it's just that I feel I shouldn't think so much about what you're doing. It's also better for me because I keep worrying what you're doing outside and if I make myself not control you, it's better. It's really not that I don't care. I just want you to have your own freedom with your own friends, whatever you wanna do. Because it's your life, your right. I have no right to control you,"
Oh my god, what a good boyfriend, I thought.
"And don't think that I'm a very good boyfriend. Because I am not," he said, like he can read my thoughts.
I am startled and start to stutter.
He was obviously jealous when I went out with Jason but yet he kept it to himself and even thought about ways to make me happier instead.
I mean, had he gone out with another girl, I would've been jealous too. In the past, I might even have kicked up a fuss but presently, I'd made it clear that he could go out with any of his girl friends and I wouldn't mind. Not even that girl who I dislike.
Because I trust him alot.
And so, I told him that after hearing what he just said, I was abit afraid that he would stop caring for me altogether, like how he didn't really care about all his exes. But I also told him that if he really did stop caring for me, then he wouldn't be my boyfriend any longer. But when that happened, I'd deal with it then. And then I told him how much I cherished him because he's so matured.
I know how some boyfriends or girlfriends love to control their partner because of jealousy. No doubt I was one of them. But Mr M has taught me to be more matured and less possessive. He is right. I dont own him and he doesn't own me.
And right now, I am going to list down all the good and bad qualities of Mr M. So please click away if it is becoming too mushy. Hee.
The Good Qualities
- Sensitive
- Tall
- Very caring
- Well-built albeit on the lanky side (i love his arms. And chest. And shoulders.)
- Not possessive
- Always tries his best for me
- Very loving
- Clear skin
- Faithful (how do I know for sure? I think I trust him enough)
- Tanned
- Gentle (tone when speaking to me, although he does raise his voice at times but then I raise mine back at him)
- Healthy (he loves sports; 0.01% chance of STDs...)
- He always dusts public seats for me and then offers me to sit after he has dusted it. But he does not dust public chairs in restaurants or eating places thank god. Just seats like a park bench or bus stop seats or some dirty looking seat that is very public.
- Otherwise he will pull out chairs for me to sit. Although not necessarily everytime. I expect a guy to forget sometimes. It proves he's normal and not fake.
- Serious about me.
- Has nice enough teeth.
- Makes an effort to be nice to Junior although he does not like dogs. He even says bye to Junior when I tell him to and now, he does it on his own!
- He makes my bed.
- Neat.
- Has very nice, cursive handwriting.
- Makes me laugh.
- Likes to carry me around; either piggy back or in his arms.
- Never fails to compliment me when he's out with me. Again, he only does it once or twice and he's so sincere I can see it in his smitten face. And so I really believe him everytime.
- Even if I look shitty in the mornings, he still says I look cute.
- He gives me massages when I'm tired.
- Constantly improving the relationship.
- Because of that, we no longer have communication problems!
- Kind
- Gentlemanly
- Romantic (although he hasn't exactly sent me a dozen roses or balloons or white doves...he's romantic in his own way)
- He lets me choose the channel I want to watch and thus we do not, unlike some couples, fight over the remote control.
- He gives in to me in every way possible (except one, which is the fight with the inhuman thing but now he says he does not want to control me anymore so I don't know...)
- He has a bike license. All he needs is the bike now. Which is coming soon.
- He prioritises me above all else. I feel honoured but would prefer him to put his family first.
- He is not a flirt.
- He can moonwalk!
- He is reserved and quiet.
- Does not get drunk easily.
- (mostly) Accepts me as I am.
- Knows how to take care of me.
- We're both atheists.
- Apologises even if he's not in the wrong.
- Has great patience with me.
- He does funny things to cheer me up.
- Does not make me cry (except for one time but that was because he was feeling sad first)
- Does not say bad things about other people although they are really bad.
- Does not control my dress sense.
- Gives other people a good impression of him.
- Not hairy.
- Simple dressing.
- Matured
- Chooses his friends well.
- Decent looking.
- Does not smoke or gamble.
- Knows how to save money
- He gives me a different perspective on things, which in turn teaches me something new and to see things from a different angle.
- Sincere
- Genuine in everything he says.
The Bad Qualities
- Does not understand what I'm thinking
- Reserved and quiet (note that this is a Good Quality too, but sometimes he is too quiet and then dates get boring and sometimes we end up quarrelling. But now he has made a very good effort and now can make me laugh more than ever because he has loosened up.)
- Does not know how to cook.
- Does not really know how to please my parents.
- Too serious sometimes.
- Does not socialise well (which is good in a way...but on the whole, not so good)
- Wakes me up too early
- We have very different opinions on alot of things (i.e dressing, children's names--I want my kids to have second names but he says his kids should follow their chinese heritage and just be simple--, family issues...) but I think it was just the way we were brought up.
When the Good Qualities outweigh the Bad Qualities, it means MR M and our relationship is an asset, not a liability. Which is darn good.
the angels they burn inside for us|3:54:00 AM|
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Sunday, October 2
\\**//
1. Had sex:-
Not today
2. Bought something:-
a few days ago, bought my friends a dinner that cost XXX amount.
3. Gotten sick:-
I feel a little runny in my nose.
4. Sang:-
on bus 153, sang out loud with my mini ipod in my ears. And embarrassed the boyfriend.
5. Been kissed:-
not today but yesterday =*)
6. Ate something:-
Dad's fried rice for brunch. Yummy lup cheong.
7. Felt stupid:-
I try not to make myself think I'm feeling stupid even though I am (feeling stupid).
8. Talked to an ex:-
Online.
9. Missed someone:-
random friends. Everyday I miss someone different.
[ Last person who.... ]
1. Slept in your bed:-
Mr M.
2. Saw you cry :-
Mr M. Very long ago.
3. Made you cry:-
Mr M.
4. Went to the movies with:-
Mr M (and i'm going with my family today)
5. You went to the mall with:-
no prizes ... but yes. Mr M. =X
[ Have You Ever...]
1. Said "I Love You" and meant it:-
A couple of times...
2. Got in a fight with your pet:-
Noooo.... never.
3. Been to California:-
No.
4. Been to Mexico:-
No..it reminds me of sand.
5. Been to China:-
Yes but don't plan to go anytime sooner or later. Or ever again.
6. Been to Canada:-
After finding out that it is not part of the USA, I feel like going there to check out black weddings.
7. Been to Europe:-
No, but trust me, I am going. One fine day.
[ Random.....]
1. Do you have a crush on someone:-
I can't afford a crush.
2. What book are you reading now:-
Five people you meet in heaven. It was bought by my dad like, one year ago and I just unwrapped it two days ago.
3. Worst feeling in the world:-
Being disliked by everyone.
4. Future KIDS names:-
Mikaeleia and Mercedes
5. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal:-
Nope. I sleep with a real animal.
6. What's under your bed:-
Two drawers filled with bags.
7. Favorite sports to watch:-
Errr I don't understand most sports except for soccer. And then I watch it for the men.
8. Location:-
A tiny room in which my computer is set up in.
9. Piercing/Tattoos:-
Piercings on ears and nose for now...thinking of doing the tongue. And a tattoo somewhere.
But I know it's still a long way to go.
10. Do you drink:-
Almost everyday.
11. What are you most scared of right now:-
that my deepest darkest secrets will be exposed.
16. Have you ever liked someone you had nochance with:-
Of course. Back in those adolescent days...
17. Have you ever cried:-
I have tear glands like everyone else.
19. Song that's stuck in your head a lot:-
"my body...your body..."
-Pretty Ricky
23. Pulled an all-nighter:-
At least 3 days/nights a week.
24. Been on radio/TV or on the news:-
Nawww
26. Do you have any gay/lesbian friends:-
Of course. I love my gay friends.
27. Was this worth your time:-
It was worth my boredom.
the angels they burn inside for us|4:15:00 PM|
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