Monday, May 30
\\**//
I haven't been blogging for quite a few days.
In a nutshell once again-- but not everyone is that interested in what happens and goes on in my life-- to filter out :
- An embarassing incident that happened to me while walking along Orchard Road (quite the equivalent of my skirt falling off).
- How I made Mr M upset
- The black dog that I abandoned after bringing her home
Additional stuff that happened:
I purchased 2 more pairs of shoes... in 2 days. I wanted another pair. But I had to control myself immensely.
This is the picture of the shoe on my feet. It will probably be the only time I see it on my feet.
This is a picture of a boom microphone's wind sock on my head.
"The last time someone put that on her head, she developed a rash after that,"
Mr Azhar
the angels they burn inside for us|6:05:00 PM|
\\*The Black Dog I Brought Home*//
This is a picture of the black dog I brought home.
The brown dog next to it is her sister. It looks like it is dying. Very weak, no strength.
Julien brought both puppies home from his camp where they were abandoned by their mother. I wanted to adopt the black one immediately because it was totally black, apart from a streak of white down her chest. It was similar to the one that I saw online for adoption.
I brought her home. Cracker was not very receptive to her, barking and drooling all over. Junior was scared and did not go an inch near her. Anti-social as usual. Peipei was friendly but did not hang much around her. The black puppy hid in a corner.
I gave her a bath because she stank. But my mother told me that we couldn't keep the dog because it would grow to a big size and we already had 3 dogs, did I want the AVA to come knocking and pay $1000 for each dog??
I gave the black dog back to Julien.
She was really cute. Soulful eyes and ebony fur. She looked loyal and obedient. I fed her my dogs' dinner and she ate heartily.
the angels they burn inside for us|5:08:00 PM|
\\*How I made Mr M upset*//
So the last post of mine ended with me being angry with Mr M for hanging up on me.
The next day, he smsed me with this really sweet SMS at like 3:20pm while I was in a lecture,
"Dear maxine, I'm having guard duty later. preparin for it. Miss u."
Sounds like a short note or a letter eh.
Although it did melt my heart a little, (I decided to be hard hearted and make him wait for my reply) I didn't reply him, being still slightly miffed and busy making plans for filming and stuff.
On my way home at 7 plus or 8, I replied him. Ending the message with "Why did you hang up on me last night?"
He immediately called.
"Hey are you okay? I thought you said bye already so I hung up... I'm sorry," he said. "Are you angry?"
Macdonald's 50 cents ice-cream cone cannot have melted faster than my heart at that time.
But I put on my most steely voice and said, "Yeah,"
And he said, "I'm sorry. I really thought you said bye already."
And I said, "It's okay lah. It's over already. Was too busy today to think about it too,"
And he said, "Still angry?"
And I said, "Just forget it, not angry already," and managed a smile.
**The next time we met for a date.
Can't really remember where we went. I think we shopped around at Queenstown Shopping Centre where he let me try for the first time in my life... those Kueh Tutu thingy. He was surprised that I've never eaten one before. It made me feel like I had no childhood.
I know it ended up at our Lao Di Fang. Where we had a talk.
Mr M: Do you think we have communication problem?
Me: Maybe abit. Why do you think so?
Mr M: I feel that I can't connect with you anymore. You seem to be hiding your feelings from me.
Me: Is it because I keep very quiet on the phone?
Mr M: It's not only that. Talking to you on the phone is very important to me because I don't get to see you everyday and I just keep thinking about you in camp.
Me: But I'm busy with my schoolwork. I mean...this week I hardly had time to breathe.
Mr M: Yes I understand. But it's like...I think you have some things that you're thinking about but you just don't want to tell me. What are you so scared of?
Me: -silence as I do some soul-searching-
They are not accusations. They are true to some degree.
Mr M: You weren't like that in the beginning. You used to tell me how you feel about us. Now, you just talk about your schoolwork, your friends-- and you hardly tell me what you think about us.
Me: Are you saying that I'm being very 'surface' in our conversations?
Mr M: Yeah. It's not that I don't want to hear about your life outside of us. But I want to know how you feel about us. Everytime I ask you questions about us and your feelings towards the relationship, you just ask me back and I feel that I'm answering my own questions. It's like a one-way thing.
Me: -silence as I realise how much I've hurt him for him to say so much- I look at his face filled with hurt and he looks like a small boy.
Mr M: It's just how I feel.
Me: I agree. I'm being selfish.
Mr M: What are you so scared of?
Me: I don't know...I'm just scared that if I tell you too much about how I feel, you'll just stop appreciating me or cherishing me.
Mr M: But if you don't tell me how you feel when I wanna know, isn't it worse?
His face is extremely hurt now and his eyes seem to become pools of ... H2O.
Me: Yeah but I don't want you to stop treasuring me like you do now.
Mr M: So are you playing hard to get??
Me (thinking): abit lah.
Me (says): No... just scared.
Mr M: I feel like i'm just giving and giving and you're not giving any back in return.
Me: I know I'm selfish. I'll try.
When The Talk started, Mr M didn't want to have any physical contact with me. But now, he takes my hand and pulls me to him.
Mr M: You cannot try. You must.
Me: It's hard. Was I like that in the past?
Mr M: No. It's only recently you stopped telling me things.
Me: I don't feel any difference. I don't remember what I told you in the past.
Mr M: How am I supposed to tell you? It's your words.
Me: Alright. I'll learn to be more communicative.
Seriously... I don't know how to handle this. I admit I am really clamming up in terms of feelings because I don't want him to change. I know how guys can change when they think they already have all of you and then start to take you for granted.
Mr M: You gotta trust me. I'll be true to you.
I will sigh and think that only time will tell the truth of his words. What about when he comes out from camp? Will he still relish the phone conversations with me? When he goes to study in a new environment?
People say I think too much.
the angels they burn inside for us|4:32:00 PM|
\\*An Embarassing Incident that Happened Along Orchard Road*//
So I went for Letitia's birthday celebration, where the girls agreed to meet at Cineleisure's TCC. The meeting time was at 5pm. I arrived at around 5:20, and met Agnes who was sick of waiting and we decided to go to Far East.
I wanted to check out the colours for my new hairstyle that would be totally FOC. Three colours, highlights, a new haircut and free treatment. Thanks to my hairstylist who wants to enter a competition.
We shopped around Far East, where I bought this perfect little thingy that I love so much.
So bling!!
We finally met up with the girlies -- Pamela, Letitia, Siew Ping and Mandy at TCC-- at...7:30pm.
I don't bother to marvel at the 2.5 hours difference. We giggled, gossiped and the girls asked me to apply eyeshadow for them. I think we looked like a bunch of bimbos in TCC.
But I don't care.
And we saw Liang Zhu. Liang Zhu is a guy who was from Chung Cheng High Main, and we all knew him. No thanks to his unique name. He was also my ex ex's classmate, and quite an outcast. In any case, I think he's in NYP now. I've also conversed with him in the olden times when we were in the same secondary school.
BUT when I saw him in TCC, he didn't recognise any of us!
Anyway. Photo time.
far right Pamela should need no introduction.
that's Mandy.
Siew Ping and me. Whose IC I borrowed and got bounced out with.
the birthday girl Letitia and me.
So... it was a short outing, there were the missing girls like Val and Rachel and Huiyun, all busy with their own stuffs. What happened to the pledge to make it for each of our birthdays?? =
Anyways. We each went our separate ways and I had to walk from Lucky Plaza to Far East where my bus stop was.
My flat pointies were rather frictionless and slippery. I was in a black mini.
I cannot stress how important toilet shots are. This picture is The Picture. The Devil, The Angel and The In Between.
Anyway. I was listening to my pink mini ipod. I was in a dreamy state.
And then it happened!
Before I went down, I remember seeing a guy in a yellow shirt walking towards me, looking at me. Before I went down, I remember thinking of Mr M. Before I went down, I was thinking of my new haircut.
And I slipped!
It was painless.
I was like a robot. I got up, looked down (and let my hair cover my face) and carried on my journey to the faraway bus stop.
I didn't dare look around. It was after a minute or so, the real embarassment flooded in.
And I thought in horror, did I flash anything out of my black skirt!?!??!
GOD.
I felt like hiding in a hole. What can be worse than my skirt dropping in NYP?
How about falling down in the middle of the road (luckily there were no cars) and possibly flashing the underneath of my black mini for Orchard Road??? On a Saturday???
I didn't look at anybody until I got home.
the angels they burn inside for us|4:09:00 PM|
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Thursday, May 26
\\**//
I shall blog in point form because I am too tired to elaborate.
- My hair extensions have dropped. What is left is a thin, meagre strip of purple fake hair. I see the black sticky thing that attached it to my hair.
- It feels like wax.
- I am learning time management again.
- I turned down 2 invites by girlfriends to go clubbing this week already. Zouk and Rouge respectively.
- Reason being I am too stressed up to go and there is just so much work to be done that if I went, I'd be guilty.
- I've just completed 80% of my production schedule. Because of it, my eyelids are drooping.
- Because of it, Mr M hung up the phone on me because I was too busy to talk.
- Because of that, I am fuming.
- No one will ever hang up the phone on me. Especially not the someone who I am supposed to be special to.
- Because I am too tired to elaborate, 2 words: Cold War.
- Okay I can't help elaborating.
- #1: Mr M asked me to call him.
- #2: Figuring I'd squeeze in a little time before starting on the schedule, I called him at 2205. But he was going to bathe!
- So I called him at 2225.
- #3: My sister logged off the computer at 2230 so I went to use it.
- #4: I began hyperventilating and worrying about whether I'd confirm my actors or not, and whether our extra detail for filming was planned out.
- #5: I realised I couldn't concentrate on talking to Mr M.
- #6: Work was too stressing for me to think about topics to talk with him. (what he hates is me being quiet on the phone)
- #7: I asked him what time would he go to sleep.
- #8: I told him I'd call him later.
- #9: He said he'd be sleeping early, so never mind he'd talk to me some other day. In a pissed off voice.
I hate it when he says, "talk to you some other day," or "see you around". And I know he was deliberately pissing me off by saying he'd talk to me some other day. Because he knows that pisses me off.
- #10: And he said bye and before I could say bye he hung up!!
Okay fine. FINE.
If that's the way he wants to play it then let the games begin. I shall not say a word. I shall not nag. I shall not scream. I shall not SMS (him). I shall not reply (his) SMS.
1stly, I hardly think it's my fault. I spent the whole weekend (Friday included) with him. Monday night was spent yakking on the phone with him. So was Tuesday night.
So what's his deal??
MEN!!!!
Oh. I made a minor achievement. Throughout my production schedule, I hardly thought about him. I had very little brain cells to do so. But oh yes, I felt him tucked away neatly at the back of my head.
- Last of all, my National Geographic entry is going to be ready by Friday. I cannot wait to have the final product submitted.
the angels they burn inside for us|12:57:00 AM|
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Sunday, May 22
\\**//
I went for my MUA outing today. It was rather fun. All girlies acting crazy and stuff. Posing with the interesting arty stuffs on the Esplanade underpass walls.
I went to meet Mr M after that. His grandma seemed happy to see me this time. She even smiled at me--rare.
The plan was to feed my sisters Macdonalds because my parents were away in Indonesia and I had to get dinner for them. And Mr M and I would watch Wrong Turn on VCD [pirated, of course] while having our burgers.
Plan went smoothly, just that my parents came home halfway while we were watching Wrong Turn, and Dad went, "Max switch to channel 24 now quick, quick, got soccer match, Man U versus Arsenal,"
So I had to pause my Wrong Turn and switch to Channel 24.
And Mr M so excitedly went, "Wah! Man U!"
And I went -.-"
"You're supposed to watch Wrong Turn!!"
And he went *pause* "Er..."
And I went, "Ok I know you wanna watch this lah just admit it,"
And he went, "No it's okay lah...just let your father watch lor,"
And my father went, "Dont change channels ah, I'll go and take a bath first. Don't change channels ah!"
And I said, "Can't I watch my Wrong Turn until you come out?"
And my dad went, "No no no,"
And I turned to Mr M and said, "Tell me the truth. You'd rather watch this right?!?"
And he went, "Er... Yeah I'd rather watch this,"
I just rolled my eyes.
The match started and I sat in between my father, Mr M and Junior sat at the far end of the L-shaped sofa.
Wow. All the males of my life gathered in the living room with me. I feel so overpowered with male testerone. I remember thinking.
I suddenly remembered an important fact.
"Hey," I whispered to Mr M. "You support Man U ah? My dad supports Arsenal leh,"
Therefore, I was rather interested in watching the match to see the conflicting YAYs and GOALs and ARGHs and BAHs from both men. The only source of cheers and oh nos and sighs came from my right side-- Mr M's side.
My dad was totally silent, sipping his wine, eyes glued to screen.
I asked, "Daddy you support Arsenal right? What's the score for tonight?"
My dad said, "Yah. Arsenal will win 2-0,"
Junior crawled over to cuddle in my lap, in between Mr M and me. He lay there half-asleep for the rest of the match until Mr M went home at 2330. During which, he kicked Mr M with his hind legs.
During which, he snored tremendously loudly.
After Mr M went home, my precious Junior didn't give two hoots about me and went to sleep with my mother on her bed. Like what the hell? Was it a plot of my jealous dog to separate Mr M and I...?
If my dog does not like Mr M... maybe its time for reconsideration!
VS
Oh both of them are adorable and both of them make me smile, and both of them tug at my heart strings! Both of them like to cuddle up with me, both of them like to share my food and both of them always want my attention.
What was that book again? That novel about training men the way dogs are trained. No means no and sit means sit or no dinner. Maybe it's taking effect as to showing me how true it is in its comparison between men and dogs.
The match ended up 0-0, with Arsenal winning the ... whats that called. Free kick? 5-4.
Mr M openly sobbed when he heard the news.
the angels they burn inside for us|12:46:00 AM|
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Monday, May 16
\\**//
So I read an article in today's New Paper on Sunday about teens who are still keeping their virginity. Last Sunday, the New Paper ran articles on sexually active teenagers who do not value their virginity. It seems that the V issue is all the rage now in the tabloids.
The article on page 8 struck my fancy and it was the first I read when I flipped open the New Paper. I will have to identify with the main interviewee after reading a full page article on her and her values.
Miss Elizabeth Tan is 18. She hangs out at pubs along Boat Quay, karaoke joints, coffeeshops and void decks. She has had 11 boyfriends in six years, the longest relationship being 8 months. She sleeps over at her boyfriends' homes without precautions because she believes they are 'decent guys who would not rape her in the middle of the night'.
And she is a virgin.
Indeed, I have to agree that her social life is rather wild and if she didn't have such a strong set of values, she would be immediately, without a doubt, placed into last week's articles of sexually active teenagers.
A set of values, or principles, are what people do not see. People only see the outside of a person. That is why people are so fond of assuming, judging and forming perceptions based on what they see.
And not what they know.
- I identify with Elizabeth Tan because firstly, I am of the same age as her this year. Not exactly, but almost there.
- I don't even hang out at pubs or KTV joints, or participate in many drinking sessions though I do sometimes hang out at coffeeshops talking with friends in the middle of the night. I only club like, occasionally.
- I do not sleep at my boyfriends' place. They stay over at mine; and in the living room, or on a floor bed beside my bed.
- In the last six years, I've only had 4 serious boyfriends, the longest lasting one and a half years.
- And like her, I put a certain amount of trust based on intuition on the guys I date-- that if they stay over in the same room or much less, same house as I, they will not rape me in the middle of the night. Like hello.
So why do people think, or perceive that I am not a virgin?
Not all, that's for sure. And this is not an assumption. I've learnt from my past relationship that assuming is not good. I believe that many couples assume things about each other, resulting in alot of conflict and arguments that, in the long run, harm the relationship. I'm learning not so assume so much and confirm before making accusations.
If Elizabeth Tan can still make it as a virgin, why can't I?
In order to prove that I am not wrong in saying that some people think, or perceive that I am not a virgin, I first start by asking my own family.
"If I tell you I'm not a virgin, would you believe me?"
Claudia, 12: Yes.
Araxes, 15: Yes.
My mother, age unknown: Yes.
"Why?"
Claudia: Because you don't look like one.
Araxes: Because you don't look like one.
All family members were asked at different times, different places and separately. Expecting their answers to be as such, I make a mental note that their reasons are such, stating physical attributes as to why I am not a virgin.
"Why?"
My mother: Because you don't behave like one. Your body language tells me everything. Like when "Mr M" comes over to watch TV, you lie on his lap and watch with him... showing that there's a certain intimacy between both of you. How long have you known him? One month? It shows that you're being easy around boys.
Expecting such a brutal answer from my mother, I do not wince.
Instead, I say, "If I wanted to have sex with him, did you think I would bring him home in the first place when everyone is at home. Of course there is a certain intimacy between my boyfriends and I. Then do you expect me to just sit there one metre away from him? And it's just watching TV in the living room. I knew you thought I wasn't a virgin years ago since [ex's name inserted here]. You always say my body language tells everything. But what does it tell you? That I'm not a virgin by just enjoying physical contact?"
I do not say this, but I seriously do NOT think Kelly and Keith are non virgins. I mean, they behave so intimately everywhere around school and everytime they're together. Does that mean they've slept together [sexually]? Like NO?
If I did not know Kelly, I might think they'd done it. I don't deny that even I, who so strongly hates to be perceived wrongly, perceive wrongly about others sometimes. But I know Kelly not by face alone. She is my friend.
Before I move back to what my mother has said, a fair amount of my female friends do believe that I am a virgin. I will not say all, because I have not asked all female friends I have. Read: Moron?
I shall say, 5 female friends. 4 out of 5 believe that I have not done the deed, stating that I am not the sort who will do it, however also adding that I look like the wild sort. The other one believes that I have not done the deed but even if I had, it is no big deal.
I am comforted. But not so, because these are people who know me. For sure they'd believe in me. But how can I expect my friends to believe in me if my own kin does not? Read: CLOSE FAMILY. I do not even want to ask male friends about their opinion. After the incident whereby 2 classmates so insensitively discussed my "sex life" in front of a few others, I already know their rough opinion. And I do not want them thinking about my virginity or anything close to it. Read: Moron?
My mother for one, did not believe I am a virgin. However, after our informal talk today, she said, "The reason why I keep nagging you about behaving yourself is because I love you. I don't want you to be hurt or even worse spoil your future. But now I can fang xin [put my heart to ease]."
Like, thanks mom. After years of suffering under the bad light of being a naughty non virgin in your eyes, I must say you've attained enlightenment.
"If I asked you if Araxes was a virgin would you believe it? Yes right? Then how come you don't believe that I am one? Both of us have the same set of parents, most likely same set of values-- we just LOOK and have different sets of friends and different personalities, but the values are the same." I say.
I am just so irked that people really perceive me in a different light from what I really am.
But I cannot change it, neither do I want to, because I am like those people who perceive wrongly. But I do try. Some might say, "Who cares? Just let others think what they want to think. Just be who you are,"
Like there's any other solution? *rolls eyes* Try living under the same roof with a mother who, for at least 2 years, has believed that her daughter is not a virgin because she is who she is.
So what makes a girl look non-virginic? Let me think.
Is it because she applies make up? Oh, or maybe because she likes to clash her clothes. Not to mention the fact that her clothes are often brightly coloured or weirdly shaped. Or maybe it's because she has purple streaks in her hair that makes her oh so non virginic. Maybe she likes chunky accessories. Oh yes, and she does not see any wrong in PDA. How about the fact that she's hedonistic?
By no means am I biased towards non virgins. How could I? For one, I support pre marital sex. Ironic, it may seem. But I have certain ... reasons for this ironism. Is it to say that a woman at say, age twenty six cannot enjoy one of life's pleasures because it is so-called "wrong"? Or even a girl at eighteen, who decides that she is really matured enough to get herself deflowered and will bear all consequences upon her young shoulders, and wants to give herself to her fiance, "wrong"?
It is such a personal choice.
If I were a virgin, I would like people to look at me, judge me, know me, and then erase their bloody assumptions.
If I were a non virgin, I would like people to look at me, judge me, know me, and then erase their bloody assumptions.
However, most people do not get to third base. Sadly, that's how the world operates. Human beings are unfair to other beings, including and mostly towards, humans.
Assumptions are, and will be, the death of mankind.
the angels they burn inside for us|1:06:00 AM|
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Sunday, May 15
\\**//
It is now 0031.
I spent the whole day with Mr M, much to the disappointment of Pamela [who wanted to me to shop with her] and Khairiyah [who wanted me to club with her].
It is okay. There is still next week.
Mr M and I had fun today [like there's any surprise here wahaha].
We travelled all the way to West Coast where there was this huge playground with nets all over. I feel its a very intellectual playground with lotsa cute kids who stimulate their minds by strategically climbing everywhere. I shall bring my kids there like, 15 years later.
Mr M and I climbed this huge net thing that was like a pyramid and 2-storeys high. As a kid I have never climbed such stuff before, possibly due to the fact that I was born into a family filled with girls and being the eldest I kinda missed out on some real chances to be a boy.
We played around for awhile among all the small kids and I felt like a super big kid. We went to the only place to slack and that was MACDONALDS. Like that's any surprise again. -.-" Mr M ate his favourite Savoury Tempura Burger and I tried the Berrynice Yoghurt which was quite nice. I saw Esther, Clara and the 2 other girls that they always hang out with! They came over to chat for awhile.
We went to...Queensway Shopping Centre! Where I saw many many many nice clothes. It's my first time there. And I shall BE BACK. SHOPPING!
Mr M wanted to go grocery shopping for his breakfast and stuff so we went to Anchorpoint's Cold Storage where he picked up one jar of Nutella, one box of Kellogg's Frosties, one packet of HL Milk, one packet of Peanut M&Ms and my promised... Chocolate Fudge Brownie Ben & Jerry's!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We headed back to Mr M's place and devoured the ice-cream. We sat down and began scribbling all our date details in his Ripcurl Organiser. GAHHHH we had a fun time recalling the past and writing it down.
He has a small birdie nest outside of his house. It belongs to a BRIGHT! Yellow! BIRD who has a black face. But I didn't manage to see the bright yellow bird with a black face because it wasn't at home when I visited. Sadly.
He played his Sony PS II for awhile. Some Fifa Street game where he played with Beckham and Cristiano and Casillas and Maiodino. LOL! I got so excited and flustered when he was kicking and tossing the ball around and those players all like so pro can.
Butthenhestillmanagedtowinlahsohe'smorepro =X
We didn't have any dinner because we kept bingeing on the Ben & Jerry's. =X Time to diet already.
Next stop: Island Creamery where Mr M says there is Apple Pie ice-cream and is really delicious.
He sent me home around 2200 and we walked in the rain back to my house. He came up so that we could stick all our movie ticket stubs together [which undoubtedly was another fun activity].
And yes he is now sitting next to me watching me chat on MSN to my freshies, blog, and download songs.
It is so weird. I didn't think I would actually let him have access to my blog or even see me blog!! Okay whatever. It is alright. And he wont be online most of the timeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
"I feel so lucky when I'm with you"
"Why?"
"Dont know. Like when I'm holding your hand -proceeds to hold my hand- I also feel very lucky,"
-conversation between Mr M and I
the angels they burn inside for us|12:26:00 AM|
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Tuesday, May 10
\\**//
I am just so pissed with Mr M.
He told me on Sunday night that he's going to meet his girl friend for dinner on Monday night-- to which I did not object or even dare to ask much for fear of appearing possessive and insecure; to which I am. However, curiousity got the better of me and I asked him on Monday.
I found out through SMS probing that he was going out with this girl from his previous working place at Starbucks and that she was his friend. Yeah of course.
And after that he told me that she cancelled the meeting because she had to stay in school for some meeting.
But I KNOW he'll meet her again because they're friends who havent met for a long time.
A guy friend told me: Sometimes when I meet certain friends I just want to be alone with them and not have anyone with me. It's just the friendship we share.
A girl friend, on the contrary, said: At least he told you. But why doesn't he bring you with him?
The guy friend said: Maybe he's afraid that if you go you'd be so displeased that you mess things up.
On Monday night, Mr M smsed me at 1am. I knew at once that he had gone out. Maybe after her school they decided to meet again!
He told me in SMS that he had gone out to watch a movie. Suspecting that it was the girl he had gone out with, my mood plummeted to my knees. I told myself that it might be his guy friend that he'd gone out with instead and tried not to feel so ... ugh. Told myself it wasn't healthy!
He called me at around 1am plus.
It was the most silent conversation we ever had in all these days.
Mr M: Why are you so quiet?
Me: Nothing ah
Mr M: Are you sure?
Me: Yeah.
Mr M: Is something bothering you?
Me: No.
Mr M: Really?
Me: Yeah.
-silence-
Me: *clears throat* hmm.. where you go today?
Mr M: went to watch movie with Ibrahim...
Me: what movie? [oh so it's Ibrahim]
Mr M: House of Wax
Me: oh. [whaaattt okay whatever]
Mr M: Maxine...what's wrong??
Me: Nothing.
Mr M: surely something is wrong lor! You're so quiet.
Me: Nothing. Just bad mood lah. School very stress.
-silence-
Mr M: Are you gonna tell me whats wrong?
Me: Nothing's wrong, really.
Mr M: I know something's wrong and you just keep keeping quiet.
-silence-
It carried on that way for the next 15 or 20 minutes.
Mr M: Do you want to sleep already?
Me: yeah I guess. [usually "maybe we'll talk another 5 minutes"]
Mr M: ok
Me: Goodnight.
Mr M: Bye. [usually "goodnight"]
Me: *stunned for a split second* oh bye.
The next day on Tuesday, I felt guilty for being unfair to him. Afterall, it was my own possessive nature and insecurity that made me act cold towards him. Especially when he called me immediately after he got home. Even if he ought to suggest bringing me to meet his friend. Even if I had to probe of his whereabouts.
I sent a SMS and we SMSed for awhile and he asked me out on Wednesday. All was well.
Until he said he was going to catch a movie.
Again?!
He told me it was with Ibrahim. My suspicions were raised again.
Which guy would watch 2 movies consecutively day after day with another guy friend even if the movie tickets are SGD 7 from Monday to Wednesday??
My mood plummeted to my toes this time.
He calls me around midnight. I am quiet on the line again.
Mr M: Maxine what is wrong?? Why don't you want to tell me?
Me: I will tell you just not now.
Mr M: Do you know how worried I am for you??
Me: -silence-
Mr M: I thought everything was fine today after last night when you were so quiet while talking to me. I couldn't sleep last night till 4. I kept thinking what was the problem, why you're treating me so coldly.
Me: -silence-
Mr M: DO you still want to keep quiet??!
He sounds so angry I get scared.
Me: No...I'll call you back. Let me go and think of what to say before I start telling you.
Mr M: Are you sure you'll call me back?
Me: Yeah. I promise.
Mr M: No just tell me now. Don't put down the phone please.
Me: I need to think. I don't want to say the wrong things in the wrong way.
Mr M: Just say.
Me: -silence-
Me: You know that night when you told me you're going out with your girl friend?
Mr M: Is it because I didn't communicate well with you?
Me: Well... what do you define as communication? [the communication process and VC pops out in my mind the moment the words are out of my mouth]
Mr M: I think I didn't communicate well with you and tell you where exactly I'm going and with who that's why you were so worried.
I am appalled. He has said exactly what I am feeling.
Me: Yeah... abit lah... I was rather stoned on Monday and I told my friend about how I felt. She said ...
Mr M: -cuts in- ok I'll bring you when I meet her.
I am shocked. How does he know???
Me: It's not that... I mean it's not that I don't want you to go out with your girl friends or anything like that...
Mr M: Yeah you just feel that you should know who I'm going out with right? It's all my fault. I should've told you earlier so you wouldn't worry. I didn't communicate well with you. And next time I'll bring you.
Whoa. Never before has a guy ever so readily admitted what wasn't really his fault!
Me: Hmmm... maybe bah..I just feel that it's in my nature to be possessive lor. but I don't want to be.
Mr M: Jealous? [i sense that he's smiling]
Me: Why are you smiling?
Mr M: Are you jealous?
Me: HA abit lah...stop laughing! [starts laughing]
Mr M: Actually I want to say something.
Me: Yes.
Mr M: I'm sorry. For making you worry about me.
Where to find a guy so sweet???
Me: It's my own fault really. You were worried too.
Mr M: Actually ah...there's something really stupid that I want to tell you-- aiyah nevermind I don't wanna say. You'll surely laugh at me.
Me: You can't say things halfway lor!
Mr M: -after some hemming and hawing- You know that time I felt quite jealous.
Me: When?
*guesses the time when I went to Zouk after getting bounced outta Black*
Mr M: That time when you went to Zouk and the guys were dancing with you.
Me: Oh. -tries not to laugh-
Me: I dont know if I wanna go to the party at Indochine. My classmates are going.
Mr M: -readily- If you want I can go with you; I'll be free.
And I didn't even need to ask!
Me: See how lor.
Mr M: I watched The Intepreter today. Ibrahim had free tickets because his friend works in GV. But we paid for yesterday's show lah.
Oh that explains everything!
Mr M: I have rugby training tomorrow. The trial training for the national thing. I don't know if I can wake up.
Me: Go sleep now lor.
Mr M: I didn't have a good sleep last night. I kept waking up every hour after 4am, dunno why.
Me: Oh... -realisation hits that he's had a sleepless night worrying about me- then you better go and sleep soon.
Mr M: So will I see you tomorrow?
Me: Do you want to see me?
Mr M: Of course right. So will I?
Me: Actually I cant make it...
Mr M: You cant meet?
Me: But now I can. Because I had a Stagearts meeting at first but it was postponed to Thursday already.
Mr M: Oh. So will I see you?
Me : Yes.
To hear disappointment in his voice at the end of our conversation was the cherry on top of the cake. It brings out the boy in him. I mean, he was so sweet throughout the entire thing, listening to me patiently and even apologising. And comforting me. And reading my thoughts and finishing my sentences.
And making me laugh.
How can I appreciate him more??
1. Do not throw anymore jealous fits.
He's a godsend.
Mr M: What are we going to do tomorrow? Do you wanna watch a movie?
Me: What do you wanna do?
Mr M: I wanna hold your hand.
the angels they burn inside for us|11:14:00 PM|
\\**//
trait snapshot:
open, tough, irritable, worrying, does not like to be alone, craves attention, low self control, emotionally sensitive, interacting, sad, very social, aggressive, prefer organized to unpredictable, dependent, social chameleon, suspicious, values the heart over the mind, likes large parties, outgoing, likes to make fun, likes to fit in, mildly phobic, vain, makes friends easily, enjoys leadership, clingy, rash
the angels they burn inside for us|11:21:00 AM|
\\**//
Advanced Global Personality Test Results | Extraversion | | 73% | | Stability | | 43% | | Orderliness | | 40% | | Empathy | | 43% | | Interdependence | | 50% | | Intellectual | | 30% | | Mystical | | 56% | | Artistic | | 50% | | Religious | | 10% | | Hedonism | | 70% | | Materialism | | 70% | | Narcissism | | 50% | | Adventurousness | | 56% | | Work ethic | | 50% | | Self absorbed | | 63% | | Conflict seeking | | 30% | | Need to dominate | | 56% |
| | Romantic | | 63% | | Avoidant | | 43% | | Anti-authority | | 70% | | Wealth | | 43% | | Dependency | | 76% | | Change averse | | 50% | | Cautiousness | | 70% | | Individuality | | 90% | | Sexuality | | 76% | | Peter pan complex | | 63% | | Physical security | | 90% | | Food indulgent | | 56% | | Histrionic | | 70% | | Paranoia | | 63% | | Vanity | | 70% | | Hypersensitivity | | 70% | | Female cliche | | 90% |
|
expressive, open, self revealing, loves large parties, loud, social, outgoing, does not like social isolation, assertive, social chameleon, positive, always busy, likes to fit in, likes to stand out, enjoys leadership, brutally honest, trusting, optimistic, desires attention, dominant, aggressive, attachment prone, wants to be understood, realistic |
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com *NOTE: Hedonism-- Pursuit of or devotion to pleasure, especially to the pleasures of the senses.
the angels they burn inside for us|10:55:00 AM|
+ + + + +
Monday, May 9
\\**//
I am currently in a very lousy mood. Not because I got a bad intepretation at the Guan Yin Temple today [I assume I was not praying hard enough because I was giggling all the way with Yiting], but because of my own nature.
I do not feel like thinking about it any longer.
Although I am not exactly the 'saint' all the time, but I do get oh so JEALOUS! Ceasing to think about such fruitless thoughts that might book me into anger management classes, I will think of better things.
My taste in guys has definitely changed over the years. From the anything guy to guys with personality, and now, guys with good personality, some level of boyish looks, similar aspirations as I and some money in the pocket.
As I was telling Kelly, guys who manage to catch my eye are pretty boys. Manly build, a good amount of height but a youthful boyish face. With the likes of Julian Hee, Johnny Depp, Jeremy Sumpter [although I doubt his body has even materialised] Jon Jonsson... yes. Recently Jon Jonsson.
Why is he so hot?
the intensity of his stare
okay FINE he's a model just like the aforementioned who are celebrities and stars and... their names all start with the letter 'J'. Freaky or what?
But a girl can always look. Isnt that what pretty boys are for? It is also because I am so angry that I have to post pictures of cute guys in my blog. So very angry.
LOOK at his naturally wavy hair that makes me wanna run my fingers through it.
LOOK at the rippling chest.
LOOK at the collarbone.
LOOK at the rather faint, but still there veins or lines or bones leading down or rather peeking out from the top of his boxers. Or is it a pair of jeans. Sexy or sexy?!
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Not to mention the presence of a rather modellish being walking around campus as well.
If I were reading my own blog as a reader, I would go, What is Maxine doing? Posting pictures of almost nude men and drooling over them.
WHAT HAPPENED TO MR M???
*inward sigh* Mr M is a mortal still attainable. Above mentioned are celebrities. Unattainable. So does that make me want them more?
Principle number #2: Date such guys if I want a boyfriend. If I want a husband please get a normal man. With no such heavenly looks.
What happened to Mr M?
*snorts*
the angels they burn inside for us|11:41:00 PM|
+ + + + +
Sunday, May 8
\\**//
It is now official. I am sick. Like, mentally. I thoroughly enjoy cleaning my keyboard. Using a lime green rusty pen knife. Not just using a cloth to wipe. But digging the balls of the STUCK in between the keys.
Is it what they call fettish? Or just a sick relish for digging dirt, dust, bits of yellow food [identifiable as cheese and biscuits].
.
.
..
I keep doing it!!!
Oh god. I'll just try to stop it.
On to less gross topics. Today is Mother's Day. And I had a small argument with my mother. How happy can the day get.
She was like, accusing me of stuff that I totally did not do! And it's not that I want to blog about Mr M now, but I have to because he is the main reason why my mum and I quarrelled. Maybe not exactly main but he's definitely part of the reason.
The truly happy thing is the fact that Mr M and I spent exactly 24 hours with each other, starting at 12noon on Saturday.
In a nutshell:
He came to pick me up under my block at 12:00 and we went to the bank together because my passbook could not update.
We took a bus down to East Coast but it wasn't a stupid idea because the weather was nice to us. Windy and not so sunny. We took off our slippers and went into the sea, where the waves got our bottoms wet and silly Mr M splashed water on me. We lay on the sand with our wet bodies and wanted to dry off but instead more sand got into my shorts and I walked like a duck and got laughed at by him.
We left after 1 hour plus of enjoying the sand and sun and wanted to go to the toilet to dry off when I pointed to the sky and said, "Look, it's gonna rain,"
The scenery was beautiful, the approaching storm and the sea at a glance was a myriad of blues and greens and light brown. As the people around us scurried off to shelter, Mr M and I stood facing the sea, relieving the small droplets of water on our face as the stormy clouds moved faster towards the shore.
The wind was super strong. I stood on a pole that elevated my height to 2.0m or so because I grew taller than Mr M. "You're so tall," said Mr M.
I made the understatement of the day. "And you're so short," I told Mr M.
Wahaha. His face looks squashed by my breadface. Boy is he really awkward while taking pictures. Pity he found a narcissistic girl who loves capturing everything on cam.
The rain fell heavier as we strolled in the rain. I dry cleaned myself in the toilet and we sat outside Macdonalds, me enjoying a hot fudge Sundae and Mr M eating a Savoury Tempura Chicken burger. We drank a large cup of ice lemon tea out of 5 straws. I do not like the guy who served me at Macdonalds. He was wearing a McCafe uniform and his name is Anggara. He is rude, slow and grouchy.
After our treat, Mr M could not stand his wet berms anymore so we took a bus down to his house where he took a bath and freshened up. Lucky him. I refused a bath because I did not want to wear my dirty clothes back on a clean body. I'd rather be dirty all the way.
Mr M took his army uniform from the laundry. I oohed and aahed over it. He taught me how to fold the sleeves. I made a mess out of it. He put the uniform on me.
"If you go to camp, all the guys will be attracted to you," said Mr M.
"Yeah lusty guys," I say.
We decide to go to Harbourfront hawker centre to eat. We take bus 100 from his house.
"Hungry?" Says Mr M.
I say yes.
"I want black carrot cake I don't care," I say, addressing my stomach's craving for the sweet carrot cake.
"Wah so demanding. What if Harbourfront don't have?" he says.
"Demanding meh? You told me not to be so agreeable mah...then I'm just saying I want black carrot cake. Hmmm Harbourfront will surely have what I want because I always get what I want," I say and hide a smile. I know I sound spoilt but I want to see what's his reaction.
Afterall, I was rather agreeable with where to go and what to eat all the time we went out.
"Aiyo so demanding. *laughs and gives me that cute smile* Yah I know you always get what you want. Then what do you wanna drink?" He says.
"Hmm.." I roll my eyes here and there in a thinking fashion. I feel like drinking Bandung.
"Milo peng? Teh peng? Bandung?" he gives me some choices which I have already run over in my mind.
"I want teh peng, Mister M," I say finally.
We reach the hawker centre.
"Sit here," Mr M says.
I sit. It is Table 40. Mr M goes to hunt for my black carrot cake because he thinks there is no black carrot cake but I am very sure there is.
Mr M comes back after 10 minutes with my teh peng and his milo peng and sets it on the table before zooming off and coming back with my black carrot cake--- and then zooming off again and coming back with his wanton mee.
I really feel so spoilt.
"Eat," he says.
"Yes sir," I say in a nonchalant voice but I am hiding a smile again. He is so sweet.
what the hell he just signed into msn and totally distracted me from what i'm going to type next.
We finished our dinner and the black carrot cake was absolutely delicious! I will try it again. We took bus 100 to my house. Halfway, my dad called and asked me to go to the coffeeshop downstairs our house because Claudia wants me to eat her birthday cake which they had already cut.
I ask Mr M if he wants to come. He said alright because my mum told me there were 2 pieces of cake left for us.
There were alot of my dad's friends there and Mr M drank some beer while talking to one of them. My dad ordered hor fun for us, to which I just gave my bowl to Mr M and he ate 2 bowls of fish hor fun.
Claudia wanted me to watch Chucky's Bride with her and so I let the little sister have her birthday wish. Mr M came up to my house and he used the computer. I am so afraid that he has found this blog in the history or somewhere.
I shall ask him.
Anyways. After Chucky's Bride I went to do up my resume while Mr M watched his Man U match. I was rather tired. My grandma was staying over for a night so I became roomless. Naturally, I accompanied Mr M in the living room on my L-shaped sofa. Our heads formed the joint in the letter L.
Obviously I am the shorter stroke on the "L".
We got up around 2am to eat the ice-cream that my dad's friend bought for us but we couldnt eat because we were way too full for anything by that time. We shared a chocolate cone. It was romantic. More romantic than sharing the hot fudge sundae in the day at East Coast.
We went to sleep after talking about our day. I was happy.
We awoke a few hours later around 10 to the sounds of my dogs mating. What a nice way to wake up. They were damn irritating. Growling and fighting and mating and screeching.I am so going to sterilise them.
We watched TV...Sesame Street, to be exact. It was so freaky funny and cute. Rover sang the Wubba song or something.
Yep and then around 11 plus am today... my mum was bringing my sister to the clinic because she has some asthma thingy going on. And she asked me to be there before the clinic closes at 12 to get a referral to get my nose checked because I cannot smell anything for the past 3 weeks.
They went down first. Mr M was checking out my book collection in the bookshelf in my room. It was raining heavily.
We left my house around 12, making it 24 hours spent in each other's company. He had to go to his granny's place to celebrate Mother's Day. I waited with him at the bus stop. My mother and father kept ringing me to go to the clinic, asking me where was I, and my mum nagging that the clinic would be closing soon.
I knew they were going to nag at me. I hated it. Because I do not see the big deal. I will just go to the polyclinic if the clinic closes. They will just refer me to SGH anyway.
Here's the bit about my argument with my mother on Mother's Day.
I dont know how it started.
"What's that on your neck?"
I reach out to the right side of my neck and I know it's the lovebite she has seen.
"Dont know," I say.
"You know what it is okay... you are most clear of what is happening ah," she says in that nagging warning tone that I hate.
"Yah I know what is happening. And I know you think we did stuff last night. But we didn't because I know," I say edgily.
"If you all didn't do anything then why is there a lovebite on your neck? Kissing? Petting?" her tone is accusing.
"It's only a lovebite. And it's only kissing we did. I can tell you we didn't do petting last night kay," I am beginning to get angry.
"Petting?" Claudia says and gives me an incredulous look.
"Yes. Your mother here thinks I did petting last night when I didn't do a thing like that," I say. I realise my voice is getting louder and we were in the middle of a coffeeshop.
"Your body language tells me everything," she says.
"What body language?? We didn't do it lor!"
"Then what was he doing in your room? The fact that you invite him into your room already shows that you have no self-respect! And I ask you to come to the clinic since 1130 and by 1215 you are still not here," she says.
"But the door was wide open when he was in my room and he was looking at books lah! And the church people came to our house and talked to me for a few minutes about some trip to somewhere and I sent him to the bus stop that's why I'm late what. And besides I can just go to the polyclinic." I am so pissed off.
"Why must you send him to the bus stop? Can't you just lend him an umbrella? He's an NS man he wont melt in the rain,"
"It's only polite to send guests what! And it's raining lor! If it's Agnes I will also send her one lor. The church people came and talked when I was going out already and they don't want to leave then what you expect me to do. By the time it was already 12 and I figured the clinic close already then I just take my time and send him what. And I can just go to the polyclinic lor!" I try to control myself because there is another woman and her daughter sharing the table with us.
"Where are your priorities? Your health or what?"
I just keep quiet because I am trying to keep my cool. And I dont want to ruin her Mother's Day. But the fact that she accuses me of stuff that I didn't do last night was plain infuriating.
"How long do you know him? You better keep him in the living room. You don't know when the relationship will end. When the relationship has blossomed and you know each other better then you can consider taking the relationship to another deeper level," my mother says.
I am shocked at her words. What is she implying? I digest her words. And just keep quiet. Don't wish to prove my point or clear her accusations anymore.
I didn't feel like giving her the Mother's Day presents because I was so bloody pissed. I really hate people to accuse me of stuff I didn't do.
Anyway. It is all over. It's better to concentrate on John's presentation for tomorrow. I hope I can find the confidence.
the angels they burn inside for us|4:57:00 PM|
+ + + + +
Saturday, May 7
\\**//
I got a surprise once again from Mr M.
It was not a pleasant one; nor was it unpleasant.
Apparently I got my facts wrong. He was a frequent clubber. Okay not so frequent. Like once a month. Occassional clubber.
Am I complaining? GAHHHHHHHHHH I don't know what to say. I thought he only went like 3 or 4 times in his life. Apparently, it was 3 or 4 times to ZOUK.
Okay nevermind.
the angels they burn inside for us|1:05:00 AM|
+ + + + +
Thursday, May 5
\\**//
I did go clubbing last night despite my initial disappointment.
Headed to Chinablack with Agnes, where there was Desmond, Ricky, Weilun, Elgene, Julien, Alvin, Jean, two other girls and a few other guys. To cut a long story short, I got bounced out. The woman at the door, a.k.a the Door Witch [adapted from Ricky] had arched eyebrows. She looked mean.
And she was.
She looked me up and down and compared my face to the face in the IC-- that wasn't mine. Obviously I do not look like Siew Ping. Siew Ping does not look like Siew Ping in her IC anyway. She drilled me on "my" IC number, Blood Group and address.
I got all correct. Except that I forgot "my" house door number.
Door Witch: "What's your unit number?"
Me: "Er...*mind blank* #07-374"
Door Witch: *shakes head* "Is this your IC?"
Me: "Yep"
Door Witch: "Then why don't you know your own address?"
Me: *shrugs*
Door Witch: I'll give you one more chance. Is this your IC?
Me: Yeah.
Door Witch: *gives a sick face and turns towards the bouncers like she's gonna prepare to cook me*
Me: Ok fine it's not my IC.
Door Witch: "JUNIOR!!! Take her. She already admitted it's not her IC"
For a moment I thought my dog was at Chinablack.
Bouncer Junior led me aside where I was facing the whole long line of people feeling embarrassed. Agnes and Julien got in.
In the end I had to call Siew Ping down to collect her IC, and was so guilty that I paid for her cab fare and I hope it's enough.
Desmond, Julien, Ricky and Alvin came out to accompany me-- and had to requeue the long queue because Chinablack does not have flexible entry for already 'chopped' clubbers. I felt guilty about that too because the rest of the guys were in the club and it was Desmond's birthday.
I went down to Zouk with Agnes and met Khairiyah, Loolin and Arshad there, along with Loolin's friends. I saw Qinghui at Chinablack as I was leaving and then he went to Zouk too but we didn't meet up because Phuture was packed.
I love Zouk and its bouncers. Phuture was packed and full house when Agnes and I got there, but when Khai and Arshad spoke to the bouncer to make an exception for both of us, he did. And chased the rest of the crowd away.
I love Zouk!
I had my first Cosmopolitan as recommended by Khairiyah. It was good. I had some vodka sprite, a Lamborghini and a few sips of Long Island.The dancefloor was packed, if not more, as that day when I was squeezed against Mr M.
But I loved it. The crowd, the music, the drinks. It was fun.
Total number of pick-uppers for the night: 3.
Pick upper #1: An older guy who is currently studying in NTU. He pulled me to him, introduced himself and began holding me to him. His hands circled my waist and he began to lead me into a dance. I did not want to dance with him nor have his hands all over me because I do not find him cute and I believe I've made enough polite small talk with him. Or rather, small yells in his ear. I excused myself because I felt uncomfortable in his presence.
Pick up/compliment-the-girl line: "I think you're cute!"
Like, so?
Pick upper #2: A Chinese guy. I was involved in a small tug of war as the rope between this guy and Khairiyah for a moment on the dancefloor. The guy was pulling my left hand towards him while Khairiyah was pulling my right and yelling, "Don't go don't go," He seemed rather persistent and my arms were hurting and I couldnt twist myself out of their grips because both were rather strong and painful. I told Khai that I'd oblige for a while.
We made small talk as usual and then he began dancing with me. He actually shoved his leg between both my legs in this obscene manner and I immediately turned and pulled Nate towards me and said I wanted to get away and Khai pulled me away.
Pick up line: NONE WHATSOEVER.
Pick upper #3: He came up to me after Phuture closed and we moved to the Mambo room where I was having a hell of a time with the retroes. This guy left the best impression on me because he was not pushy or over confident. He was also the best looking out of them all, though a little too short for my tastes. He started with, "Are you guys having fun?" which shows that he acknowledges the presence of my friends instead of just focusing on me [which is his goal but at least there's some respect].
And I thought he was a foreigner. But after he said he wasn't then I assume he's malay. Or mixed. He asked me to come on the weekends but I'm like no and he wanted my number but by then Khai and Agnes were beginning to drag me away. And besides I wouldnt give him my number anyway so that spared me from rejecting a person. But he was cool about it and went, "If you don't want to then it's totally fine. I'll cya around then," in a rather sincere way.
Pick up/compliment-the-girl line: "Hey I saw you in Phuture and thought you were cute and finally found you here,"
I notice that my pick uppers all say that I'm cute. Not hot, not gorgeous, not beautiful. Cute. I have no comments to that.
I also saw the guy who tried to date Mandy after picking her up in Zouk when I went with her on the day I set my eyes on Mr M.
I had around 2 hours worth of sleep before awakening again for school. I find that I have trouble getting up on Thursday morning ever since the school semester started. Every Thursday without fail. And I'd be late if not for Daddy.
The only thing I do not like about Zouk is their miniscule toilet.
the angels they burn inside for us|10:16:00 AM|
+ + + + +
Wednesday, May 4
\\**//
In order to
[1] Understand myself
[2] Kill time & boredom
[3] Vent frustration
[4] Hide disappointment
I will do some friendster bulletins. Answering questions is a favourite pasttime of mine. [in primary school, I never knew if 'pasttime' was spelt with two "t"s or one "t". In poly, I still am not sure.]
1. wad are you doin?
Eating Chipsmore feeling low.
2. wad were you doin before?
Complaining and feeling low.
3. who are you thinking of now?
Don't wish to think about anybody but yeah. The who who.
4. wad tyme did you sleep last night?
1am.
5. wad did you do last night?
talk on the phone. tuition Araxes. SMS Khairiyah, Kelly, Agnes & Man.
6. wad did you last say to a friend?
"Wah lau eh I hate the army lor!"
7. wad attracts euu to the opposite sex?
First thang, the eyes. If cannot make it, then the shy charisma.
8. wad makes you happy?
People who please me.
9. wad are you wearing right now?
a sheer Junk shop tee and a S&K skirt. hmmm and colourful lingerie from Triumph and Sabina. Mismatched. Like my mood.
10. wad will you do after answering this?
Probably sleep if I can stop thinking.
11. who was the last person you talked to?
Agnes.
12. wad do you want to tell ur crush but you haven't?
I don't have a crush. Not exactly.
13. when is your birthday?
31st December.
14. what you wanna get 4 ur birthday?
Undecided. For it just passed less than half a year ago and I currently have everything I want.
16. when did you last cry?
When I watched Save the Last Dance. I don't even know why.
17. when did you last smile?
Today in school while conversing with my friends.
18. why are u answering these questions?
There are 4 reasons stated above.
19. when will you marry?
When I am 27 or 28.
20. when did u last receive a gift?
When my cousin went to Hongkong and returned.
21. when did you last drink alcoholic beverages?
During the chalet. Oh god.
22. who will you vote for president?
Paris Hilton. Then she can continue shaking her legs amongst the riches and ride on political fame for once-- without doing much brain work like most presidents.
23. who was the last person you talked about?
Mr M.
24. who makes you happy?
People who please me.
26. who do u love?
Myself. I am a narcissist.
27. who do you hate most among your friends?
I don't harbour hate. But yes I do dislike.
29. who has the cutest smile you've ever seen?
Mr M. Well, ever seen would be...... say, Jeremy Sumpter.
30. who do you talk on d phone with often?
Not a very oral person but recently Mr M.
31. do you belong to a club in your school?
Yeah.
32. how's school?
This semester sucks. I hate all the modules except French.
33. any regrets?
Yes. Just one in all my 17 + years of life.
34. do you take drugs?
No.
35. are you a shop-aholic?
Yes please.
36. do you have someone in mind that you wish to get marry with?
Not as of yet.
37. do you like swimming?
Yes. I could love it too.
38. do you wear eye contacts?
Yes. They're irritants.
40. do you kiss your parents good night?
No. It kinda, wore away over the years.
41. does your bf/gf often send you messages in friendster?
Hell no. He doesn't know of my friendster--although I do of his-- and I do not want to add him.
42. how about in e-mail?
Nuh uh.
43.hair colour?
Two strands of wired, spoilt pink extensions and the rest is a mix of white, yellow, brown and gold.
44. hair style?
Split-ended, layered, fringed and side-parted. It ends 6 inches below my collar bone
45. feeling right now?
Disappointed. Empty.
46. what makes u feel that?
Feelings. Like duh. Like, the brain processes some stuff that some people say and transfers it through waves like shockwaves through the nerve system and thus resulting in a friendster bulletin answer.
47. how do you treat your loved ones?
Like they treat me.
48. are you loved?
I want to be. I am. But not by all.
49. weather?
Bearably hot and humid.
50. what are u wishing for now?
Disappointment to go away.
50 down. More.
I AM = Me. Some people don't accept me the way I am but most do. And for that I'm glad.
I WANT = eternal happiness & to be carefree
I HAVE = a small problem.
I WISH = that the problem would disappear.
I HOPE = to achieve satisfaction and stop craving for the greener pasture
I HATE = selfish people. Really. They're so goddamn selfish.
I MISS = Thailand.
I FEAR = Cockroaches.
I HEAR = my voice in my head and my heart pumping and the fan whirring.
I SEARCH = on google.
I WONDER = about the future alot.
I REGRET = letting go and hurting someone...consequently myself.
I LOVE = my clothes. my bling. my shoes. myself.
I ALWAYS = am thinking about something; maybe that's why I cant see people even when they wave to me sometimes.
I AM NOT = Malay.
I KNOW = that I am going to be tired in school tomorrow.
I DANCE = in clubs
I SING = with Neemee.
I WRITE = in black when I'm down or serious. In pink when I doodle.
I WIN = at spending money
I LOSE = confidence but don't show it sometimes.
I NEED = to have fun NOW.
I SHOULDN'T = be worrying now.
I SHOULD = really be emptying my bladder now cuz it's rather full.
I WILL = go clubbing tonight no matter what.
-=YES OR NO=-
You keep a diary = yes but I don't write in it anymore.
You have a secret journal = hmm. my secrets are for all to know.
You set your watch a few minutes ahead = no. if i'm late i'm late and I don't really care.
You bite your fingernails = when I'm musing.
You believe in love = yes. but not everlasting love.
You believe in urself = sometimes.
WHO IS...
The weirdest person you know = Calvin Klein.
The Loudest Person you Know = Khairiyah.
The Person that Knows the Most About You = No one really does. I like mystery.
Most Boring Teacher= HMMMM. Mr Chia Steven.
WHAT IS...
Your most overused phrase on IM = 'lols'. Even though I'm not lolling.
The last image/thought you go to sleep = i can't seem to remember.
Your sleeping time = it depends on the day and what I'm doing. 1am > and <>
DO YOU...
Take a shower everyday = is the question questioning my hygiene level? Well, yes.
Have a(any) crush(es) = no but I could develop one.
Think you know you've been in love = I think I'd know but I wouldnt be sure.
Want to get married = Getting married is my ultimate goal in life.
Have any tattoos/where = Nope.
Think you're a princess or prince = I used to and maybe I still do-- a small part of me. Now I'm a Material Girl.
Get along with your parents = yeah. more or less.
-=RANDOM=-
SIGN = DO NOT ENTER. Like hello.
NATURAL HAIR COLOR = black
CURRENT HAIR COLOR = ya da ya da-ed in the previous bulletin already.
EYE COLOR = medium brown.
PARENTS = Yeah I have two. One male and one female parent.
SIBLINGS = I have two too. Both females and younger than I.
PETS = I have one favourite pet dog. Two more dogs, a few guinea pigs, some fishes. Snails too but they're my sister's. Gross.
LIVE WITH = the parents and siblings and pets.
:::FAVOURITES:::
NUMBERS = 2 & 6
COLOUR = black & pink & green
SHAPE = what are shapes?
DAY = Wednesday. Mid-week.
MONTH = December. Birthday month.
SONG = Not applicable. It changes with my mood
FOOD = I like Western.
SEASON = Shopping season.
SPORT = Shopping is considered a sport. Swimming too.
DRINK = Not applicable. It changes with my mood.
I would like to sleep now. I am so sleepy. It is 5pm. Sick of bulletins and laggy blogs. Will anyone cheer me up?
the angels they burn inside for us|3:29:00 PM|
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Tuesday, May 3
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Oh God. T4 is seriously pissing me off.
It's not just because of the stupid slang and her frog mouth, it's also due to the fact that she's highly incompetent to teach. And blaming Vevian Cheong for everything doesn't help improve her image, whatever lousy image or reputation she even has.
Tolerance is a virtue on Tuesday every 11am to 1pm.
the angels they burn inside for us|11:29:00 AM|
\\**//
I wouldn't be blogging again tonight if not for my rather troublesome dad.
Being computer illiterate, he called me off the phone from my precious time with Mr M and asked me to send an email for him! Infuriating. Whats worse, the email was about his confession. To a priest. Not that I mind typing a confession, or that I have something against Catechism [however it is spelt] or Christianity or God, but I'm his daughter and I see his confession. Oh lol it's so funnily embarassing.
My eyes were tired from going out with the said Mr M all day-- and I hardly wanted to touch the computer and stare it its merciless LCD screen. However, I typed out the email in a jiffy.
I am so going to get my father a proper Father's Day gift-- by signing him up for computer lessons somewhere. If he has time for church almost every day of the week, he should have time for some computer lessons--that is meant mostly for his church thingies anyway.
On a lighter note since I am in blogger anyway, I am glad that Mr M loves my curves. He said so. And no I hardly even have a morsel of thought that he wants to get into my pants... or skirt. I said I was too meaty and he said I'm perfectly fine.
"I'm very meaty right," I say.
"No, just nice what. Then what, you want to be super skinny MEH,"
"Hmm no lah, just maybe lose some weight,"
"No ah, I think you have nice curves,"
"That's cuz I have a big butt,"
"Good what, like J Lo,"
"Is that good?"
"Yeah, curvy mah. Got shape,"
"L-O-L. Okay thanks then,"
Hoho. At least someone appreciates my fats.
the angels they burn inside for us|12:40:00 AM|
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Sunday, May 1
\\**//
PICTURE TIME!
Kelly and I
one of the rare pics with Lihui and Caryn
Kelly and I again
Kelly again. And me. and Yiting.
Teckie & me.
The Time Has Come.
yeeeeeeeaaaaappp. That's him. =X
he'll always be looking down. because he does not like taking pictures. And thus I am the only one posing there. Geez.
okay that is all. Big-faced breadgirl.
the angels they burn inside for us|11:51:00 PM|
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